How does one find a compromise between the things we love to do and the things we should do? I once read this quote that said, "The Place God calls you is the place where the world's deep hunger and our deep desire meet." I love the quote and I think and hope that it is true. But how do you figure that out? I constantly struggle between what I want to do and what I think I should do. Now don't get all concerned and start planning an intervention or anything, that's not the kind of desire I'm talking about. In May, as I have made very obvious from this entire blog, I graduate and in a sense the world is open to me. I could pretty much do whatever I want. If I could do anything without worrying about money I would head straight to Europe and backpack for 6 months, maybe come home and work for a while and then head back out again to backpack somewhere else (South East Asia probably). It would be a completely selfish trip. I have no desire for anyone else to join me and while at times it would be lonely and challenging I truly believe that I would absolutely love it. I admit that I seriously considered coming home and working for a while, saving money and then just going, but I can't get past the selfishness of it. Other than myself who would benefit from that endeavor? It's things like this that have made my decision so hard. For every opportunity that arises I find myself questioning my own motives. Do I really want to go do these things because I am called to them, or because I like the experience? Am I helping others or are others helping me? I fear my own motivations. Then I look around and wonder if I myself am being so narrowminded that I can only see mission work in one way. I know in my head that it comes in many forms, here and abroad, but I struggle internally with this idea of having "a regular job." By staying in the States would I be failing to follow the great commision? I know everyone can't go to Africa and be a missionary, but is my desire to go really a calling from God or just my own inability to deal with reality? I know from experience that I do not want to do rural church planting or teach English using the Bible. My talents don't lie there, but how can I use my talents and do the things I enjoy and still serve God? As I've said I've been thinking about this a lot and here are a few radically different ideas that I think would be a great combination of what I love to do and what I think I should do. These are all ideas that have been in my head for while and it just clicked that any one of them might just work.
1. Starting a program that uses theatre and art as therapy for woman and children affected by war. I would start by getting my Masters in Anthropology and then a second Masters in Drama Therapy. I have a real interest in Rwanda and the DRC. Not sure what this would exactly look like, but I seem some really cool possiblities here.
2. Start a trade school for street kids that uses theatre as it's base. Many of the practical skills that can be learned through theatre are applicable to much of the developing world. They would be able to learn the skills of carpentry and sewing by making sets and costumes. In many of the bigger cities in Africa, like Nairobi, there is more interest in the arts so there would likely be a market for more theatrical options. In addition to trades students would get a solid general education and gain many business and organizational skills that can be learned through theatre, but apply to many careers. I came up with this idea as part of project for a class and it just stuck. After traveling to east Africa this summer I think that it could have potential in one of the bigger cities.
3. This last one is one of those ideas that I had years ago and it just hasn't gone away. Maybe the least relevent to my chosen fields of study, but all the same something I think I would love. I love coffee shops. I love art. I love good books. I love the culture and community that centers around the arts world. It's a place where I feel intrigued and challenged, yet comfortable at the same time. I've always thought it would be cool to open a coffee shop in the art district of a big city (Greenwich village, D.C., San Francisco). A place where new artists can display their work, book clubs can meet, people can discuss culture, politics, religion and anything else that comes to mind in a comfortable and safe place. I actually drew floor plans of what this place would look like once. I'd love to be a Christian in the arts community (which is a HUGE mission field) and become a staple of the neighborhood. Through my connection to the community and the relationships I would be able to reach out to people and share the gospel with them. A similar thing is being done in Amsterdam and seems to be doing really well.
So these are just a few dreams. I guess I'll probably have to pick one at some point. But for now I like to dream about them all. I've once again veered off course from my original intent for the post so I will conclude for the evening.
"Just remember that you were a dream of God."
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1 comment:
Michelle,
Making descisions can be such a pain sometimes.
I know that you've most likely heard more platitudes about doing this or that or following the will of God here and there in your time at harding than you'd care to admit. On the other hand, I'm sure you've picked up a few nuggets of wisdom and truth.
In case you're interested, here's my $0.02 worth:
1) Sometimes God doesn't care were we go. Often times we think that God has a plan laid out for us somewhere and we just need to find it. It's only when we quit looking for what we think God wants that we start to see that there's work to be done everywhere.
2) Self-development is not selfishness. Just because backpacking in Europe won't directly benefit anyone doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do. Experience is what makes us who we are as individuals. And trust me on this one, it'll be easier to break away for a few months now than in almost any other time in your life. Remember that your life is a gift from God too. Take the time to experience and cherish the good things this world has to offer. Besides, people always regret things they did not do more than the things they did wrong. Most of all, you don't know what you may find out in the wilderness alone. What you bring back may be of greater benefit to those you meet than you'll ever know.
3) Don't martyr yourself. If your eyes are fixed on the prize, you can't not follow God. This doesn't mean that you won't lose focus or drift off the path. But don't try to make yourself fit into a hole that you don't fit in just because it looks righteous. I set foot on Harding's campus nearly a decade ago as a bible major because I thought it was the thing to do if I wanted to follow God. It is only now, years later, that I understand how far off the mark I was. I think you have some great ideas there. I also know that one day you'll find your niche and realize that you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
I think that's more than you wanted to hear from any one person. I'll shut up now.
-DK
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