Incoherent ramblings on fear

I have always struggled with fear. I think we all do. It can paralyze us and prevent us from doing the things we want or need to be doing. There are so many kinds of fear. There are fears that seem simple and straightforward, maybe not rational, but understandable. Things like a fear of heights or of going to the dentist. This summer I struggled greatly with the fear of “the great outdoors.” I love nature. I love being outside and enjoying God’s creations, but for some reason this summer I was scared of silly little things that had never even bothered me before. Most of these were related to African wildlife, particularly snakes. The fear of snakes at times paralyzed me. I would hardly walk outside after dark without a flashlight in hand, rapidly scanning the ground before me for spitting cobras. And after we found a green mamba snake I would not climb trees either. It was silly honestly, there are always dangers in pretty much everything we do, but not doing something because of the tiny chance that something bad might happen is….well it is just silly. One shouldn’t live their life like that.
Then there are the hidden fears. The fear of failing to do something that ultimately leads to a terrible conclusion. There is the fear of remaining silent; of not stepping up and speaking out when the opportunity arises. It is a fear of missed opportunities. The fear that a life depends on whether or not you say the right words. It is a fear of not hearing the call or hearing it and ignoring it. This is my worst fear. What if I mess it all up for some else? What if my fear of speaking up prevents someone from knowing Christ?
There are moments in my life that I have known were “God Moments.” Moments where God was presenting me with a choice and the choice that I made would have a far-reaching impact. As an RA and a camp counselor I believe that God has led me in what to say and how to handle situations. In a few instances I think I was able to glorify God by my choices (and his wisdom). But looking back I’ve had too many opportunities that I failed to recognize at the time or in at least one case selfishly ignored. Those are some of my biggest regrets. I used to say that I have no regrets because everything that happens in my life helps to make me who I am, and I suppose that is still true to an extent. The screw- ups have changed me and I think that I have learned from them or at least realize my mistake, but I can’t help regretting that they happened. I wish that I had been wiser and stronger in those instances so that I didn’t have to learn from my mistakes.
Maybe the problem isn’t really fear. Maybe instead of concentrating on the fear and the mistakes and the things I did wrong, I should focus on what I can do in the future. Obviously God knew/knows that I have/will screw things up, but in the end who am I to think that anything I could do could be so great to screw up God’s plan. God is so much greater than myself. He doesn’t even need me, but he chose to us me anyway. So what is the opposite of fear? It is love as far as I can tell. So instead of focusing on the fear, I need t0 focus on love, my love for God and my love for other people.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”-I John 4:18