Wanderer at rest...

Field Trip

2010-01-09T11:55:00.000-06:00

When I was a child in school ,field trips were one of the highlights of my life. I remember trips to the science center, the planetarium, and the zoo. To Ballet, the symphony, and the theatre. To Charleston and once in middle school, to New Orleans. As an adult, I’ve had the incredible blessing of traveling and living in some pretty interesting places. God has placed in me the heart of wanderer, a love for the open road, and a passion to discover whatever there is to be found in a place. Over the past couple of years I have reinstated my own sort of field trips. On days off from work I try to find a new place to explore. I go to museums, interesting neighborhoods, markets, city centers, and rural villages. Sometimes I make out a plan or sometimes I just get in the car (or on my bike or the train) and go. Sometimes I start with one plan and then do something entirely different.

A few weeks ago, was one such field trip. I drove down the coast to Monterey to visit the aquarium. I spent hours wandering through this beautiful underwater world, pressing my nose against the glass as the fish swam by, petting starfish , sea cucumbers, and rock crabs in the touch pool, and thanking God for all the cool creatures that he made. Afterwards I walked down to the beach and took my shoes off and let the cold pacific ocean wash over my feet and the sand squish between my toes. I sat on the rocks and watched the waves and prayed to God that I would never lose this childlike wonder at his creation.

As I walked back to my car, trying to decide if I was going to drive back home, it occurred to me that I was only another hour from Big Sur State Park. It was just after 3pm which would put me there in time to watch the sunset. I drove the 50 or so miles along the winding, oceanside cliffs to arrive at an almost deserted park. I spent the next hour writing in my journal and chatting with God about how beautiful and awesome this place was. And then he gave me one of the most beautiful sunsets I’d ever seen. It crept up on me. At first I thought it wasn’t going to be very vibrant, but slowly the sky changed to brilliant, almost violent shades of orange and red. I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face as I watched the sun sink into the ocean, the waves crashing below me, and not human voice to be heard above it.

Notes from the forest

2009-10-15T19:24:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure how to begin this post. There is much that I would like to say about my life and recent experiences. Currently I am sitting in a coffee shop in Santa Cruz because we have no power at camp. This is the third day without power and it isn't really looking like it will be restored anytime soon. The power outage was caused by a giant redwood tree that fell across the road. Not only did it knock out the power, but it also blocked the road. The road i live on is currently closed. Lucky for me, the tree fell across two very high embankments creating a sort of tunnel with plenty of room for my car to fit beneath. While technically the road is closed and technically I am not supposed to drive under the tree, I have chosen to disregard this and do it anyway. Something that I have learned about myself recently is I don't like being trapped. Okay, so no one likes being trapped, but most people could spend a few days in the woods with the roads closed and not feel like they were going to suffacate. I was completely freaking out from this feeling of not being able to leave if I wanted. I'm beginning to wonder if this isn't some deeper psychological issue since I'm pretty sure it could be applied to pretty much all of my dating relationships as well. Anyway back to the downed tree and no power. Being at camp isn't the perfect little community that I envisioned when I moved out here. Don't get my wrong, the people are amazing! I love everyone of the people who lives out here, but I'm in a bit of an awkward position because it is all couples. Recently my roommate has started dating another staff member, bringing the total number of unattached individuals over the age of 11 to 1 (that would be me in case you missed that.) Now, I've gotten pretty good at the whole single thing (remember the whole not liking to be trapped thing), but seriously power outage, candlelite rooms, and a bunch of couples = GAG! When I told my mother about how much I was hating this poweroutage, she reminded me that I dealt with the same thing when I was in Africa. But in Africa I was in a social setting living with lots of people my age who weren't dating each other. Playing board games by candlelight didn't feel like being a chaperone on someone else's date and it was Africa and Africa is just different. (Also mother, I would like to remind you that I did have a freak out in Africa the first time and I did hate it and I did want to come home. So there!) Anyway, that is what is happening these days. I've been questioning a lot lately whether this is where I am really supposed to be. It seemed like such a perfect thing, but it has been so much harder than I thought. Living in such an isolated setting isn't as fun as I thought and I've had a harder time connecting here than I expected. I'm doing lots of things, but i feel like I'm just doing things, but not really getting past the surface. I know this takes time, and waiting is something I'm not so good at. I think my lifestyle for the last few years is catching up with me.

Office Conversations

2009-09-24T14:44:00.002-05:00

Sean: Michelle, you are a saint (I made copies for him...It's kind of my job)
Michelle: Yes, I know. I'm heading to the Vatican next week.
Sean: Oh, yeah to be cauterized.
Michelle: (stares blankly at him) Wait, I think you mean "Canonized."
Sean: Oh, what's cauterized.
Michelle: I think that's like when you burn a wound shut.
Sean: Well it's almost the same thing.
Me: Yeah, Sean, It's got a C and an A and a zed.

Things better left unsaid....until after you are already here....

2009-08-21T19:40:00.002-05:00

After my internship with Invisible Children I was offered a job as the Office Assistant for a Christian Camp and Retreat Facility in Northern California. It was an offer that was too good to refuse. I had already fallen in love with the people and the place. Back to California it was...

My mom and I drove across America together. 12 states in 4 days (South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, California). Remarkable uneventful and fight free. Mom drove on mountain roads near Lake Tahoe and thereafter made a vow never to drive in California again (thanks Mom!). We traded off driving in the big cities. Of course all the big California cities were after Tahoe so guess who got to drive those. Driving in California is like driving in rush hour traffic in Atlanta....all the time. We don't want to talk about rush hour.

So anyway that was last week, now I am a resident of Boulder Creek, California. Boulder Creek is a small town in the Santa Cruz mountains between Santa Cruz and San Francisco. Now when I say small town, I don't mean Aiken, South Carolina small town. I mean like SMALL town. (I can't even think of one small enough that people would have heard of.) Today I drove past the city limit sign and it said the population was 4084. Now I should clarify, I don't actually live in the town of Boulder Creek I live about 5 miles further up the mountain in Big Basic Redwood State Park. Before I insert any further sarcasm, I should state that I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. For those of you who have been to PBC imagine getting to be surrouned by that kind of beauty all year long. It's so beautiful it is almost overwhelming. That being said there are some hidden shall we say hazards that my fellow staff members (neighbors and friends) failed to mention. Here is what I have learned so far...

1. It is quiet....like really quiet...like something big and scary is following you in the dark quiet. The other day I decided to go "hiking" (aka for a walk on a trail inside camp property). I got out of visual contact with camp buildings and started to realize how quiet it was. Then it seemed to quiet. And then I started remembering a comment someone made about sensing a mountain lion. And then I started to convince myself that it was unnaturally quiet. An image flashed in my mind of a big, scary mountain lion emerging out of the forest to eat me. At this point i decided I had had enough exercise for the day.

2. There is no cable tv.
(I have come to realize that Netflix may actually be man's greatest invention.)

3. The nearest real grocery store is 30 minutes away. (There is a community market that is about 10 minutes away, but it only sells organic found, which turns out translates to "ridiculously expensive."

4. The nearest book store is 40 minutes away (this alone might kill me. I'll be accepting amazon.com giftcards for my birthday and Christmas)

5. Mice.....apparently they like cars. As in they like to make nests in them AND eat the wiring in them. (This I have not yet experienced, but I am paranoid. I was advised to periodically check under the hood of my car to make sure they aren't making nests in there. Right after this I went to check...it took me 15 minutes to figure out how to open the hood of my car. I think I was supposed to know how to do that a long time ago. Oops!)

6. There is no cell service out here. (thankfully the camp has wifi so I can facebook and frequently update my blog...yeah right...)

These are my observations for week 1. With as much "quiet time" as I have out here, I hope to do a little better at this blogging thing. We shall see.

These things that I've done....

2009-08-21T19:24:00.003-05:00

So since my last post I have...

...spent 6 weeks traveling around northern California in a van with 3 of my friends...

....spoke on stage in front of thousands of people over the course of the summer...

....visited Yosemite....and Sequoia...and Big Sur....

....driven across the Golden Gate Bridge at least 7 times....

....visited Salvation Mountain and the Salton Sea (if you have seen Into the Wild you know what this is)...

.... driven a 12 passenger van....

....seen a bear....in the wild...

.....slept in a van (see above for reason)...

.... watched a baby sea lion vomit on its brother...

... watched the sun rise over the San Francisco Bay...

....fallen in love with a place...

... grown to love people like a family....

....gotten a grown up job....

..... road tripped from South Carolina to California with my mom...

.... moved to California.

Help a girl out...

2009-05-21T12:26:00.003-05:00

In January I got deported and did not get to go on tour with Invisible Children (oh yeah, i went there). I instead worked in the office as an intern. My calling was to be on the road. They are giving me a second chance. I leave for summer tour June 11th (I head back to SD on May 30th). Help me out if you can. You can donate via my paypal account on the right. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks so much.

Oh, yeah, and in case you were wondering how The Rescue went...well....watch this:

I knew those years of Spring Sing would come in handy. Now watch this:

My life pretty much centers around this....

2009-03-12T15:25:00.002-05:00

THE RESCUE

And the verdict is in....

2009-03-12T15:13:00.002-05:00

After much prayer and debate I have made the decision to stay in the US and work for Invisible Children from our San Diego office for the remainder of the semester. It was a difficult decision to walk away from an opportunity to travel to Europe, but I believe that this is the best decision for me. I would love to be in England right now, but I have come to believe that my talents are best used here for the time being. I have continued to work as a support for the team from the office.

I have also been offered the opportunity to remain with Invisible Children for the summer and be a part of the summer tour in Northern California. I have accepted the offer and I now split my time between booking the Ireland tour, planning the Dublin event, booking the NorCal tour, and writing the new summer camp curriculum for the tour (no there really are not enough hours in the day). This is one of the most challenging things I have ever done, but I LOVE IT!

Dearly Deported

2009-02-13T23:24:00.004-06:00

I am way overdo for a good, long update. As you probably all know by now, I am now still in San Diego. About 3 weeks ago I got on a plane to London and was denied entry into the country with 5 of my fellow teammates because we did not have a visa. Here's how it went down.

So we arrived at Heathrow Terminal 5 at approximately 9am and quickly preceded to immigration. We had our official letters from IC in hand and we were excited to get through and get to our flat in downtown. Each of us went to different immigration desks. My officer asked me why i was there and I told him I was volunteering. I showed him my letter and my return ticket to the states. He was reading the letter over when another officer came over and grabbed my passport and whispered in his ear. The officer tells me to wait on a bench behind me and then follows the other officer into an office. I look around and see my teammates each receiving similar instructions from their officers. Before we know it we are all waiting on a bench, all our officers are in the office, and back up has been called in to process the long line of people that has formed in immigration because of the hold up we caused. After about 20 minutes an officer emerges from the office and asks for our COS number. We asked what that was and she replies that we obviously don't have one if we don't know what it is. She returns to the office an another officer comes out to get phone numbers of contacts in London. He returns a few minutes earlier to inform us that no one was answering either of the numbers. To make things even more sketchy, our London office did not yet have a landline phone so we didn't even have an office number to give them.

After perhaps an hour the head officer says we need to go to baggage claim and they need to search our bags. So we are escorted through security to the baggage claim, we retrieve our bags, and then precede to have them ripped open and the contents tossed everywhere as they search for evidence of our guilt. All they found was some IC t-shirts and my neatly folded clothing (which was no longer neatly folded when she was finished). We then had to drag all our bags back to immigration and sit on our bench again. At one point the head officer comes out and informs us "It's not looking good." It still didn't hit me that this was really serious.

Another hour goes by and an officer asks if we have been finger printed. Nope, not yet, haven't had that criminal pleasure yet. So we are each taken back to a room and fingerprinted and photographed for the official British Immigration records (okay so the fingerprint machine was pretty freaking cool). By this point it is nearly 2 pm and we are all really hungry. Johannes thankfully makes a comment about our hunger to one of the officers while he is being fingerprinted and a kind officer brings us some sandwiches (note: Worst sandwiches EVER!)

When i return from fingerprinting I am immediately called back up to the immigration desk where I am questioned by the head officer. He hand writes my statements word for word and then I have to sign the statement. Then I return to the bench.

After over 5 hours of sitting, waiting, and questioning the head officer comes to us. "Well, folks we've made a decision. I'm afraid it's not good news. You are going home. Get your bags, we are going right now." We didn't have time to protest or even process what was happening before a team of guards gathered around us and ordered us to gather our belongings and follow them. We were escorted through security each with our own personal guard and then loaded into a caged vehicle. During this whole process I am freaking out because they still haven't given us our passports back. i keep asking about it and they keep telling me I will get it later. I'm thinking it is later, we are getting on a plane. So we are loaded into this caged vehicle and locked in. They drive us directly to the plane (well they attempt to, but the officer driving got lost and drove us to the wrong runway multiple times so it wasn't really very direct). The vehicle was unlocked, our bags were returned to us, and we were escorted onto the plane. The head officer gave our passports to the crew with instructions not to return them to us until we were in the United States.

Even as i sat in my seat for my flight of shame, I still couldn't believe what had happened. Three weeks later and sometimes I still can't believe it really happened. Now I am in San Diego. i am working in the office here booking tour and planning the big event in Ireland. We are waiting for our visas to come through. Friday we were told that if we want to actually go work in the London office and go on tour we have to dedicate to the summer tour. It just isn't cost effective to send us for half a tour. We have until tomorrow to decide if we stay or if we go. I have decided to stay. So I will be remaining with IC through the summer if all goes as planned (not that I count on the plan anymore).

This is what keeps us going....

2009-02-09T21:40:00.001-06:00

2009-01-31T21:05:00.002-06:00

Just a quick update.... We are still in San Diego. We flew to London last weekend, but were turned back at the border because we did not have the proper visas. We are currently trying to get our work visas and hope to get them in time to be in England for tour launch. Things are a bit up in the air right now so please keep us in your prayers.

I am trying to remain positive, but I find myself struggling to remain hopeful. I am frustrated and angry with the situation. We have a commitment to the children in the UK and an even bigger commitment to the children in Uganda. I love San Diego and I would be content staying here except for the fact that I have these commitments and being here prevents me from fulfilling them. It's not the not being in Europe that upsets me, it is the not being able to follow through on the commitments that I have made.

2009-01-20T23:10:00.002-06:00

We have finally gotten our team assignments. I will be on the Scotland & Ireland Tour. I was totally surprised because I figured I would be on whatever tour was going to Amsterdam, but it turns out the didn't hire me solely for my connections there. I have a wonderful team (Johannes, Molly, and Nick) who I will be traveling with. Honestly I was worried about who I would be placed with, but I could not have picked a better team. Please keep us in your prayers as we prepare for tour and while we are on the road. Because this is the first tour in Europe we don't have an established reputation in most of the places we are going. We are in the process of booking the tour. We have 3 weeks to book 100 screenings. Please pray for God to open doors for us and lead us to the right people and schools. The longer I am here the more I love and believe in Invisible Children and want to share it with others.

Right now our team is split between London and San Diego, but Saturday we fly to London to join the rest of our team. Please keep us in your prayers as we travel.

That's all for now.

I've got soul

2009-01-17T21:07:00.002-06:00

So I'm out here in sunny California! It's the end of one of the busiest, most challenging, awesome weeks of my life. I am learning so much. Once again I find myself at a loss to figure out how to put it all into words. The more I learn about this organization the more in love with it I am. I feel so proud to be working with this incredible group of people. I feel such a great responsibility to do an outstanding job as a roadie.

Below is the link to a great video from the IC archives. It's probably the coolest video ever.

I've Got Soul

Thoughts on new adventure from those wiser than me....

2009-01-10T21:46:00.002-06:00

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good." - Author Unknown

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

"You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water."-Rabindranath Tagore

"If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears." - Glenn Clark

"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space."- Author Unknown

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T.S. Eliot

Hey Look! I'm Famous!

2009-01-08T14:39:00.001-06:00

Here's a link to the article that was published about me in the Aiken Standard.
Local Woman Goes Overseas to Help Children

So this is who I work for....

2009-01-08T11:35:00.001-06:00

Invisible Children: Who We Are

Any takers?

2009-01-06T12:35:00.002-06:00

Why does this sound like something I would have done as a child?
Children try to Elope to Africa

Interesting article

2009-01-02T21:18:00.003-06:00

Here's an article that is making the rounds in Invisible Children land.
Atheist supports Christian Missions

A Year in a Review

2008-12-31T13:23:00.002-06:00

So as it is the last day of 2008 I've been thinking back over this past year. I'm not going to give it a grade. There are too many factors and I am biased. This year has certainly been one of the most interesting and challenging years for me.
This year I have....
1. Fallen in love.
2. Had my heart broken
3. Felt helpless
4. Felt like what I did was without purpose
5. Broken many rules
6. Made big mistakes
7. Been angry
8. Been bitter
9. Questioned God

But....
This year I have also....
1. Seen God's power to transform lives
2. Learned a little more about what it means to live like Jesus
3. Witnessed and experienced God's ability to heal our wounds
4. Learned that the saying "God doesn't close a door, without opening a window," is true.
5. Learned what it means to cry out to God.
6. Realized the importance of christian community
7. Accepted that God has alternative plans for my life
8. Gained a much better understanding of Grace, forgiveness, and mercy.
9. Made peace with God

This year was hard. Maybe my hardest. Have things come out how I thought they would? No, not at all. I was brought near to my breaking point at times, but in the end I end 2008 and begin 2009 with hope. I am excited and optimistic and very much clueless about what the next year will hold, but after many long chats with God I know that the plans I have tried to make are really nothing next to his. I think perhaps my New Year's Resolution will be simply this: To get out of the way and let God work.

More on Invisible Chldren

2008-12-06T19:48:00.002-06:00

Here's a link to my application video for Invisible Children.
Invisible Children Application

2008-12-01T13:05:00.002-06:00

God's plans are always so much bigger than mine! Little did I know what God had planned for me after these last several difficult months.

I am very very very happy and excited to announce that I will be returning to Europe in the Spring. I have been offered a position on the first ever Invisible Children Europe Tour.

If you aren't familiar with Invisible Children you should check out their website (www.invisiblechildren.com) IC works to bring peace to Northern Uganda. They have numerous projects on the ground in Ugnada to improve the lives of children who have been effected by Africa's longest running war. They rebuild schools, provide scholarships, mentoring programs, and economic development projects. Outside of Uganda they work to bring awareness of the situation in Uganda to people around the world. (This is IC in its simplest form, but I'd have to write a book to truly explain all that they do. Please ask me about it or check out the website for a fuller view of IC)

I will fly to San Diego in January for training with my team and then head to London for 4 intense months on the road. I'll be speaking at schools, churches, universities, and any other place that will have us.

2008-10-11T15:24:00.001-05:00

Some days you just look up toward heaven and say "Alright God, Enough Already! Can't you give me a break!"

It's been one of those weeks.

2008-09-16T13:59:00.002-05:00

Okay so as requested here is an update.
1. I am still in Aiken
2. I am still not happy about it.
3. I still work at Books-a-Million
4. I still don't love being a grown up.
5. I refuse to sell out to "the man." Meaning I will not give up family, friends, or God to get ahead in "corporate america"
6. I want to go back to Africa more than ever.
7. I started my peace corp application yesterday. Not sure if I will even finish it, but it's a definite option since it's just about the only way right now for me to be serving in Africa and not going even further into debt.
8. The German boy and I broke up .
9. I probably won't discuss it with you.
10. I have 4 of the Invisible Children Roadies staying at my house this week.
11. Which means that it is almost time for the Invisible Children events at my house and at North Augusta COC (like that shameless plug?)
12. I have found that writing stories in lists is a much quicker way for me to convey my information.
13. I will probably get bored with it soon.
14. That is about all.

15. THE END!

The Checklist

2008-07-21T23:01:00.002-05:00

Goals for Re-Entry
1. Camp - Check
2. Find Job- Check
3. Find ways to get involved in service locally- in progress
4. Planning for Africa- in progress

Since I've been home I have been working part time as a nanny. I'm starting a job with Books a million this week. I have a boyfriend. We've been together since December and he is unfortunately in Germany now. I miss him. I miss Europe. And I miss feeling like I am doing something useful. I do enjoy seeing my family and friends here. I will be around Aiken for a while, but I am already planning the next big move.
This is probably the only update you'll get for a long while.

Home again home again jiggity jig....

2008-06-05T11:05:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm in South Carolina. I am scrambling to finish camp stuff and missing people in Amsterdam. It is strange being at home. It is so quiet here. I guess I really did get used to having 30 people in my house all the time. Next up is camp and then finding a job (let me know if you know of something). I'll post more stuff later.

5 days....

2008-05-29T13:41:00.004-05:00

Things are winding down. I am busy packing, preparing for camp, and saying goodbye. I will be home on Tuesday night in time for my mom's birthday. I can't wait to see everyone.

A few short stories....

2008-05-03T08:52:00.003-05:00

Alright as requested (Thanks, Magalie for reminding me :) ) here is a post....

Living in Amsterdam and working at a hostel you meet some interesting characters. Since I've been here I've had my fair share of weird encounters. Some of been funny, some have been scary, some have been sad, and some just downright bizarre. Here are some of the more memorable incidents here in Amsterdam.

1. My first reception shift- A former cleaner with mental health issues came up to the window next to the reception desk and started banging on the window, repeatedly ringing the doorbell, and screaming at the top of his lungs. In the past he used to stage protests outside the hostel because he convinced himself that he had been wronged by the staff. But I've never seen him since that day.

2. The Cat- The hostel has a cat and one particular long term guest became very attached to the cat. She had been coming to the hostel for years, but had become very difficult to deal with. She was finally asked by management to check out and on her last day she decided that she wanted the cat to come with her. SO right before she left she went into the cafe, threw the cat out the window into the alley, and ran like heck out the front door to get the cat on the outside. Two staff members jumped out the window and rescued the cat before she got to it. She still stops by periodically and asks to visit the cat. (by the way she's a really nice lady and I very much enjoy her, but it was quite a ridiculous incident)

3. The Male Stripper-
Stop me if I've told you this one, but a few months ago a guy came into the cafe after closing and announced to the staff members who were sitting around eating that he was a stripper hired to entertain us and then started to take off his pants. We managed to stop him in time thankfully. Then he sat down at the table with us and told us a ridiculous story of how someone injected him iwth HIV on the street outside the hostel and how he needed one of us to inject him with an antidote (obviously he was under influence of a number of different substances that may or may not be legal in Amsterdam). WE made him leave the cafe and eventutally the hostel when we realized that he wasn't even a guest, but some random person off the street who'd wandered in.

4. We've had some really funny cleaners. One of the most memorable has to be, John. John, is a blind (my first reaction when they hired him was "We're gonna have a blind guy cleaning teh bathrooms?) , former football (soccer) player(the man is like 40 and LOVES to play even though he causes a number of injuries because he can't see the ball or half of what's going on) from Hungary(yet randomly speaks Italian, german, and english). Over the month that he worked with us we collected a number of funny stories, but my favorite had to be the day I found him teaching another cleaner how to mop, using a wet towel and a stick. This wasn't working so well and I asked him to get a real mop and a bucket of hot, soapy water. He begins to argue with me and tells me that he's always mopped like this and it works better. So I ask him to show me his process. So he takes me into the bathroom, runs some water on the towel, squirts some hand soap from the bathroom onto the towel, and carries the towel back to the kitchen to mop. At this point I"m between anger and laughter. I explain to him the correct way to mop (using an actual mop and hot water and mopping solution) and try to laugh as he argues with me that his way works just fine. The irony of the situation was that he'd been cleaning here for a month and it was his last day working at the hostel. Between 4 different supervisors, not one of us had noticed this for a whole month.

I'm sure there will be more to come once I have time to go back through my journal, but this should keep you guys happy for a little while, right?

P.S. I will be home in less than a month (June 3rd). I return from Camp on 14th (I think) and after that I'll be ready to hang out and catch up with everyone.

2008-03-02T02:09:00.002-06:00

Wow, so I pretty much suck at keeping up with this thing. Oh well, more important things in life that updating the blog right?

Anyways things are alright here. Mom and Dad came last week. That was really nice. It was fun getting to show them around the city and I definitly enjoyed all the free food. I think they may have found Amsterdam a bit overwhelming, but I think they enjoyed our excursions outside the city. Probably my favorite day was our trip to Delft where we visited one of the pottery makers and saw how Delft Ware is made. We also visited some incredibly beautiful cathedrals and the spot where Willam of Orange was assasinated. I was really happy to have them here, but I'll admit that it was really hard for them to leave. Honestly, aving them here made me kind of homesick. But it was still worth it for them to be here.

Other than that not much is going on. I felt the need to update (since it has been a month). WEll, I'll try to have something more interesting soon.

Leaving on a Jet plane....

2008-01-25T13:56:00.000-06:00

And once again God provides....
Today I bought my plane ticket to return to the States. I return on June 3rd. It is so cool because the amount he provided for my ticket was almost exactly the total cost of the ticket. I'm enjoying my time here, but I get kind of excited when I think about coming home. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and being at camp. It's hard to believe I've been here almost 6 months.

Oh and in 3 weeks my Mom and Dad get here to visit!

Ignorance is bliss...or is it?

2008-01-25T13:54:00.000-06:00

Is ignorance really bliss or is it simply laziness? Or is it even something more? A while back at small group we had a discussion about the media and being aware of what is going on in the world outside of Amsterdam. One staff member said that they don't like to follow the news at all because they can't do anything about it and it only makes them feel bad. But I disagree. I think it is important to know what is going on in the world. Okay, so sometimes we can't do anything major in the grand scheme of things, but we encounter new people everyday and many people that we meet are coming from the very places we read about in the news. Isn't it our responsiblity to make every effort to understand where they are coming from as we try to love them and share with them? We have guests at the hostel from Iraq, Iran, Somalia, Uganda, Israel, Columbia, Indonesia, China, and a lot more places. If we can't be bothered to learn what is going on the world then what does that say about how we look at the people who come from those places. If we don't make the effort to know about peoples homes then aren't we basically we saying we can't make the effort to know about them? In addition to this, don't we as Christians have the responsibility to do something to help others. Okay, so maybe you can do that some things to help without really understanding a situation, but in most cases to make a real difference we have to understand the situation at hand. Education is key. And hopefully education leads to action. Perhaps if more people paid attention to what was going on outside their comfortable, sheltered world many of the horrible atrocities that have occurred in recent years could have been prevented or at least stopped earlier. In the past information wasn't as easily available, but in this age not knowing what is going on is a choice. The media is constantly shoving information up our noses. Ignorance is a deliberate choice. It is a choice that says I don't care.

Entertaining Angels

2008-01-02T08:43:00.000-06:00

I was having a bad night. I just needed to clear my head. I left my bike behind and walked home. My head was full as I tried to process a dozen different things. I was tired, stressed, angry, and hurt. I walked home the same way I always do, down the Zeedijk and past the construction in front of Central Station. But something was different. As I passed the construction I noticed a woman sitting on the ground, a torn paper cup in front of her, her hands out as she begged for a few coins to buy food for the night. I was used to seeing homeless people in that spot. The same man with a mangy dog sat there ranting every morning. But I'd never seen anyone else there before. I kept on walking. As I reached the corner to cross the street away from here I felt as if I should turn around. I don't know what made me turn around. I had 5 euros in my pocket and nervously I doubled back to give the money to her. I was shaking as I placed the bill in her cup and sat down beside her. "What is your name?"I asked.
"Yartka"she replied. "My name is Michelle,"I said.
And then we talked. She told me about her life. How she is dutch, but spent the last 10 years in England so she is having trouble getting help here in the Netherlands. She told me about the places she goes to eat and sleep and the churches that help her. And about her broken ankle. The only thing she didn't talk about was her blackened eye. And then we talked about books. You see, Yartka, loves to read. She told me it is her escape from the real world. She goes to the library and reads for hours, safe from the reality of her life. My life has been a picnic compared to hers, but I like to hide from the world behind a good book also. I was surprised to find myself having something in common with this woman.
As we talked a strange thing happened, people began to stop. First this American woman stopped dead in her tracks and stared at me. Her mouth hanging open in surprise/ horror/shock. "Are you homeless?," she asked. I didn't know what to say. I was shocked by her forwardness and embarassed by the question. She was looking right at me, not at Yartka. I could barely stutter out an answer as she ordered her drunken husband to toss a few coins into the cup. I cringed as he tossed the coins, laughing when one missed and Yartka scrambled for it. I was sickened by the way he made a game out of it, like it was some kind of carnival game. I was embarassed: I'm not sure if it was for Yartka or myself.
A few minutes later another man walked by, his arms full of groceries. He too stopped, but his eyes were filled with compassion. Once again he looked as me, not at Yartka. "Are you hungry?"he asked, "Do you want something to eat?" Again I stared at him wordlessly as he pulled 2 loaves of fresh bread from his bag and handed them to me. I managed to stammer out a thank you as he walked away. Yartka was smiling as I handed the food to her. As I rose to leave she hugged me and said , "You are my good luck charm." I didn't know what to say. I felt like I hadn't done anything. I wished that I could do more to help her. But she thanked me sincerly and we walked along the street together a bit more before parting ways. I lost sight of her in the crowd as I crossed the street away from her, fighting tears as I returned to the comfort of my home.
I have never seen her again. I look for her everytime I pass that spot, but the man with dog is the only person I've seen. I've asked friends who work with the homeless in the city center, but no one has heard of her. This city isn't so big. You see the same people time and time again. There aren't that many women on the streets in this area either. So where did she go?

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." - Hebrews 13:2

My First Thanksgiving...

2007-11-23T14:35:00.000-06:00

I didn't want to be here for Thanksgiving. I wanted to be at home. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I knew exactly what I was missing out on. I didn't want to celebrate Thanksgiving in Amsterdam with people who had never even heard of the holiday, let alone knew what you were supposed to do to celebrate it. But God changed my heart and blessed me with one of the best Thanksgivings I've ever had. Our house was full of epople (45-50 people) from all over the world. It was a gathering of old and new staff, managers, and friends. But really it was a family. You see here in Amsterdam so many of us are far away from our real families, but we are united to one other through Christ. For some it was their first thanksgiving ever. For others we got the joy of sharing our special holiday with our friends from Germany and Holland. After dinner we gathered together for a time of worship and prayers of thanks. One person talked about how Thanksgiving is a celebration of the harvest. As we sang I was struck by the words of one of the songs.

You said

You said, Äsk and you will receive

whatever you need."

You said, "Pray and I'll hear from heaven, and i'll heal your land."

You said, Your glory will fill the earth
like water the sea.
You said, Life up your eyes:
the harvest is here, the kingdom is near."

You said, Äsk and I'll give the nations to you."
Oh, Lord that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see your light
as it rises on earth.

Oh Lord, I ask for the nations.

This song hit me because it is why I am here. Thanksgiving is about giving thanks for the harvest and all of us are here to take part of the harvest. We are the workers in ripe fields. All of a sudden as we sang this song it all just came together, all the things we have to be thankful for here. We have been blessed with the chance to be a part of these great things that God is doing here. Thanksgiving suddenly became so much deeper.

2007-11-12T13:47:00.000-06:00

Wow, I am so behind on this thing. I feel like I should have so much to say, but it's hard to figure out how to say it all. I'll work on something good for next time. I'll leave you with a couple of funny stories.

1. The other day I was dragging my bike (Stuart II) through the front door of the hostel when this man walks up to me. He hands me a shopping bag full of clothes and says "These are about your size. They were my girlfriends. Keep them." At first I tried to give them back, but he said he was going to throw them away otherwise so I took them. The bag was full of some really nice clothes. I got some nice, new sweaters out of the deal.

2. I have a new nickname. It is "50 Cent." I was given this name by a young Iraqi man, who barely speaks English, but somehow knows the names of all the American musicians as well as most of the Footballers (Soccer players) in Europe. I'm still trying to figure out why exactly I reminded him of "50 Cent". I think maybe it has something to do with our striking resemblence to one another.

3. When the weather gets warmer, I am being thrown into the fish pond at the hostel. This order came from one of my managers. Since I've arrived here the threat of being thrown in has been looming, but has been forbidden until it gets warm again. I'm quite glad for that since it's about 35 F here. I'm just wondering who will get to me first, my German housemates or my manager, my bet is on my manager.

That's all for now. I'm off to London Wednesday to visit friends. I'm sure I will have some great stories upon return.

The Weekender

2007-10-08T14:31:00.000-05:00

We've officially moved into the low season here in Amsterdam. This doesn't mean that we don't have guests, it just means that the types of guests change. During the summer we get people who are here to see the city. They stay for several days and are usually polite and respectful of the hostel rules. During low season we get a different type of guest...the Weekender.

The weekender comes in a group of 6-8 people, usually of the same sex (usually male). They are usually from England, Italy, or Spain and they have one purpose here in Amsterdam.....PARTY! They will enter the hostel speaking loudly and make it impossible to hear anything over them, let alone be heard. The receptionist will have to shout at the top of their lungs for everyone to quiet down. They might acknowledge the request on about the third try. When they finally quiet down enough to check in , the receptionist will ask for their booking number. Inevitably they've lost this number and they can't remember who's name the reservation was under. After searching for twenty minutes you finally find their reservation. Unfortunatly they booked online and when they saw that the hostel was full for men they decided to reserve themselves a space in a girls dorm instead. They protest loudly that they didn't know and demand to know why they can't just stay in a girls room. If they are not English they will become progressivly louder as they make their demands. At some point the receptionist will inform them that no matter how loudly they yell we won't understand Spanish (french, italian). Eventually the manager will come out to see what the ruckus is about. After much negotiation it will be decided that we can make up floor beds for the guys in one of the dorms. They will be satisfied for a few moments until it is time to go over the hostel rules. Another loud conference will be held when they are informed that the hostel has a curfew and is drug and alcohol free. Said guests will attempt to find ways around the rules by any means possible. If the receptionist is female they will make lame attempts to charm their way into special privileges. If this doesn't work they will begin asking if they can speak to the night man to ask to be let in late. Again their plans will not work and they will go to their rooms grumbling about how cruel it is to lock people out and how they thought this was a "Christian hostel." (We will hear the phrase, "but I thought this was a Christian hostel" about 100 times a day and used in relation to everything from lost reservations to unmade beds). Over the course of the next few hours they will send down various representatives to attempt again to have the rules bent for them. Eventually they will run out of representatives and will start asking for directions to bars that are open all night instead. Around 10 pm the one or two of them will leave and return a few minutes later with alcohol in hand in order to start their party night off right. The receptionist will confiscate the alcohol and remind them that they are not allowed to drink inside the hostel. They will claim that they didn't know and return upstairs. A few minutes later a different pair of them will go out and return quickly with a poorly concealed grocery bag containing , big surprise here, more alcohol. Unfortunatly reception will be super busy at this point so the receptionist fails to see them come in and it won't be until later that we realize what happened. Around midnight the crowd of them will file past reception laughing and talking loudly, the smell of alcohol wafting behind them. They will make one more query about staying out past curfew and then leave angrily discussing the "stupid rules" as they head to the nearest night club. Around 4 am the nightman will be startled out of his weary daydreaming by the sound of someone pounding on the door and repeatedly ringing the doorbell. He will speak to them over the intercom where they will beg to be let in. The nightman will refuse and tell them to come back at 7. Five minutes later they will return and begin pounding on the door again. Again the nightman will tell them to go come back at 7. Around 7 am the group will stumble through the door smelling strongly of alcohol and marjuana. They will barge into their dorm room, turn on the lights, and wake up everyone in the room with their antics. They will then fall into their beds and sleep until noon. Later they will complain about being woken up by the cleaning staff in the middle of the day. At some point in the afternoon they will come down and ask for directions to the Heiniken brewery and leave. Around dinner time they will return to the hostel and head upstairs. About 3 minutes later the smell of marjuana will begin to drift down the stairs. The manager will hurry up stairs to find the group sitting on their beds smoking together. Their pipes will be confiscated (we're getting quite a unique collection these days) and they will be warned that if they break the rules again they will be asked to leave. At around 3 am another guest will come downstairs to complain that someone is smoking marjuana in the room. The nightman will go up, giant maglite in hand, to deal with the situation. The marjuana will be confiscated once again and the group will be told that they must leave first thing in the morning. The nightman will also ask the girl who they snuck in (who isn't even staying at the hostel) to leave. The next morning the whole group will angrily leave the hostel, demanding back their money, their alcohol, and their pipes and drugs. They will collapse with all their bags in front of the hostel door and preceed to light up as they try to plan where they are going to go that night, blocking the street and the front door in the process. Everyone coming in and out must wade through a cloud of marjuana smoke as well as endure the obnoxious rantings of the former weekend guests.

The above might be a slight exageration, but every event described has happened in various combinations since I've been here.

Stuart

2007-09-25T10:09:00.000-05:00

This is the story of my bike, Stuart:

Stuart is an old little bike. He was probably built sometime in the 1980's, but he is also a good little bike. He has gotten me where I needed to go in a relativley safe manner since I arrived in Amsterdam. Now as I said Stuart is old and Stuart is small. Sometimes the bigger, newer bikes make fun of Stuart because he can't keep up, but Stuart just keeps on going because sometimes its good to take things slow and not be in a hurry all the time.

For a couple of weeks now Stuart has been a little bit sick. His chain has been a little loose and so he's gotten kind of hard to pedal. So last week I took Stuart into the bike doctor to get his chain tightened. But the doctor was not very happy, you see somewhere along the line Stuart lost some spokes so his wheels were pretty week. The doctor fixed the chain, but said that it was going to take several hours of work to fix the spokes after he went to the market to buy new ones to replace the missing ones. He told me I would have to ride a different bike until he fixed it. I knew that I was going out of town the next day so I begged him to fix the chain and let me ride it for one more day and then he could have it to fix for the whole weekend. The doctor was very reluctant to agree and tried to give me a different bike, but this other bike was too big and I just couldn't betray my trusty Stuart and ride a different bike. After much pleading the doctor agreed to let me keep Stuart for one more day. Now that afternoon I really needed to go to get my visa pictures made so I headed off with Stuart to Waterlooplein in the city center. It's about a 15 minute bike ride from my house. Everything goes smoothly on the way there. I was very proud of Stuart as he bravely manuevered through traffic and unfamiliar territory. But on the way back things took a turn for the worst. As I rode I began to hear a strange thump sound, similar to the annoying sound that rolling luggage makes on cobblestone streets. At first I didn't realize what it was, then I looked down at Stuart. I had worked Stuart too hard. He had a flat tire.

Raindrops began to fall as I walked Stuart back to the house. I was embarassed when I had to admit to the bike doctor what had happened to Stuart after he told me not to ride him. Back to the shop Stuart went. But as the doctor worked he realized there were even more problems. Stuart needed a new tube for the tire and the valve on the tire was also broken. And the shop was out of the correct size of tube for my tires. I wasn't going to get the quick cure I had hoped for. Sadly I left Stuart with the doctor and rode to work the next morning on the back of a friends bike. I missed Stuart, but I was going away for the weekend and the doctor promised he would be better when I got back.

Well, the weekend came and went and I returned home to find Stuart still taken apart in the bike shop. I was very sad. What was I to do without my trusty bike? It might be days before he is fixed. Once again the doctor offered me a different bike. But I didn't want another bike, I wanted Stuart. None of the other bikes were as small or as old as Stuart. They just wouldn't do. But then on the top shelf of the bike rack, way at the far end in a dark corner, I saw it. Another small, old bike. This bike could be Stuarts brother only it didn't't have a flat tire or missing spokes. "Who's bike is that?" I asked.

"No one's, " he replied, "but we lost the key to the lock."

"Well, That is the bike I want. Can you cut the lock?"

Reluctantly the doctor cut the lock off the new bike. As he lifted it down from the rack I was very happy. This bike would never be Stuart, but it was a worthy substitute.

Stuart is still not fixed. Currently he is sitting in the basement of my house with one tire missing and the chain fallen off. But Stuart II is serving as a great living memory of his predessor.

Weekend Away

2007-09-21T14:44:00.000-05:00

I am on a weekend holiday out of the city. It is my first real trip completely alone. I am literally in the middle of nowhere in a place called Egmond that is supposed to be near the coast, but I haven't seen any ocean yet. I took a train and then a bus and then walked a half a mile or so. When I got off the bus I actually started laughing as the bus pulled away because I literally had no idea where I was and all I could see were cows and farms. I spotted a Texaco station in the distance and asked for directions and then went walking down the road trying to find this hostel. I finally found it after a few wrong turns ( the directions were totally wrong). Currently I am trying to figure out why in the world you would put a hostel here. There is nothing here (side note: I have a 5 person dorm room to myself). So far the only person between the ages of 12-37 that I have seen, are the people working here. . It's ridiculously quiet compared to crazy Amsterdam. I had almost forgotten what quiet sounded like. But it is a much needed time away from the city. It is hard to find time for God in the middle of the chaos that is Amsterdam. The concept of downtime or quiet time just doesn't exist. I am always doing something. So despite the jokes, this weekend away is much needed. I need time to be alone and to be with God.
Side note: Currently, "Stop in the Name of Love" is playing in the bar at the hostel.
Side note: i am the only non dutch person here as far as I can tell. People keep trying to talk to me and I ahve no idea what is being said. It will certainly be quiet if i can't speak to anyone other than the receptionist.

Prayer Request: I have my interview with the Immigration department on Tuesday for my Residency Visa. Another girl here was rejected last week so I am very worried about not getting it. If I don't get it then I have to leave the country.

2007-09-14T06:40:00.000-05:00

Okay so I can not get this thing to let me put the slideshow on the page so you will just have to follow this link to see pictures from Amsterdam!

http://www.slide.com/r/uV6gI68U7D_qTVxmPB6E_cCcg6d9zTPJ?previous_view=mscd_embedded_url&view=original

The Rowing "Incident"

2007-09-05T14:13:00.000-05:00

I figured it was about time for a not so serious blog. My time here in Amsterdam really isn't bad. Actually it is quite good. I love living here! Despite the negative aspects, this is a beautiful city with a lot of wonderful people. I love my roommate and housemates (all 35 of them- no seriously I live in a really big house). The work itself is great and the managers here are also really great! It's a fun environment to work in.

A couple of weeks ago I got to have a uniquely Amsterdam experience....I went rowing on the canels. Okay....so maybe that isn't quite accurate. I attempted to go rowing might be a more accurate statement. Here's how it happened. It was introduction week for the universities in town so a lot of random events were occuring around the city for incoming students. Well, I look like a student and I heard that they were giving out free ice cream. Now as a poor volunteer anything free is worth looking into. So myself, one of our managers, and a couple of staff members headed over to Nieuwe Markt to check it out. One of our cleaners, a crazy english, french, middle eastern guy who I will call Bob, came with us also. Now "Bob" likes to talk....a lot, but he likes to listen not so much. He was actually the person who informed us that there was free ice cream, what he failed to realize is that there was a catch with the free ice cream....We had to take a rowing lesson with a member of the crew team. Those of you who know me pretty much at all know that I am about the least coordinated person ever. The idea of getting in a very wobbly boat on a very dirty canel (it's said that if you fall in the canel the police immediatly take you to the hospital for a tetanus shot) did not really appeal to me. But the ice cream depended on it and "Bob" really wanted to go. So "Bob", Manager Ben, Lindsey another staff member, and I headed down to the canel for our first rowing lesson. First we had to climb down a rickety ladder to a platform on the water. A pair of cute dutch boys were there to help me down...so far so good. Step two, get into the boat. Another cute dutch boy is there to help. Step three, listen to our teacher as he explains to us how we are going to turn the boat around. This is where the problems started. As I mentioned before, "Bob" likes to talk, but doesnt' like to listen. So these instructions were pretty much lost on him. Now rowing requires a lot of teamwork, otherwise you will a. run into something, b. hit another person with your oar, or c. capsize. Our lesson was only a 10 minute introduction to the sport and our goal was to turn the boat around and row to the end of the canel section and back. In our 10 minutes we turned the boat around....That's it....We spent our entire time trying to get the boat turned around. We also managed to run into a couple of other boats, the dock, and nearly the wall of the canel. I was nearly strangled by my oar when a certain non-listener was rowing at the wrong time. And we nearly capsized when the same non listener was posing for pictures and thought that standing up in the boat was a good idea (did I mention there was a photographer there for the school to capture this whole embarassing event for all time). I really felt bad for our poor instructor, although his facial expressions as we crashed into things were quite amusing. By some kind of miracle, we all made it back to shore mostly dry and in one piece (although I did consider shoving "Bob" back into the canel).
Back on land I was slightly more optimistic about my performance on the water so I asked our instructor when try outs for the team were. For some reason he just laughed at me. Oh well at least the ice cream was good.

This ain't your Momma's Christianity!

2007-08-25T06:27:00.000-05:00

Sometimes God decides to reveal himself to you in a way you've never seen and you are forced to rearrange your whole idea of what Christianity looks like. I think sometimes this is hardest on those we the oldest and deepest faith. A few nights ago I was the sole witness to one such rearrangement.
Last Sunday evening we had a band come and play at the Shelter. The band was called, "The Psalters" and they are a Christian band with a tribal rock feel. All of the members are blackclad, tatooed, pierced, and dreadlocked. A friend of the band lovingly refered to them as "dirty hippies." They don't look like your typical clean cut, bible belt Christian.
At the hostel we also had a number of people from a missions organization staying with us. I was working in the cafe the night of the concert when a woman from this missions group comes up to order. She was extremely demanding and very rude to me. I did my best to remain polite, although i was very upset. At this point i didn't know she was from the missions group. About 30 minutes later she comes back into the cafe and pulls me aside. Here is the conversation that followed:
Her: I'm sorry i was rude to you. i didn't mean to take our my frustration on you.
Me: It's okay.
Her: I was just disappointed because I thought this was a Christian hostel.
Me: What do you mean? (I'm really worried at this point b/c I'm thinking, 'What did i say?")
Her: Well, I thought this was a christian hostel, but then i saw this band and i was just disappointed.
Me: Um, well, you know that they are a Christian band, right?

(Silence) She stared at me in shock for a moment. You could see in her eyes that she was trying to fit these "dirty hippies" into her realm of christianity. I think her entire view of Christianity was being rearranged right then and there.

Her: Oh....(another long pause).... well, i guess that teaches me not to judge.

We continued to talk for a little while and i told her more about the band as well as the ministry here in Amsterdam. After that she was really really nice to me. I'm glad that I got a chance to talk with her because I was able to stop being mad at her and forgive her. Honestly i felt bad for her because i know how shocking it can be when you are forced to rethink what a Christian looks like. But i think her story illustrates an important point: Christianity doesn't look the same in every place and culture. Christ is for all people and the church adapts according to culture. Obviously there are things that as Christians we must not compromise on, but there are many more that we must. In Amsterdam Christianity sometimes looks like a "dirty hippie" with dreadlocks and piercings or a girl with pink hair and 17 tatoos. We can't judge, that isn't our job. If we want to reach this culture and this generation then we must broaden our view of what "Christian" looks like.

2007-08-19T05:12:00.000-05:00

Many people have asked me the questions, "So what exactly do you do in Amsterdam?"
So I decided to try to try to answer.
Here is a day in my life in Amsterdam
6:00 am- Alarm goes off and I tiptoe around my room trying to not wake up my roommates as I get ready. I have the morning cafe shift so I have to be at the hostel at 7:15 am to start preparations.
7:00 am- Leave the Willemsstraat (our house) in the Jordaan district. Bike 15 minutes to city center being careful to avoid the red light district.
7:15 am- Prepare breakfast, set out dishes, re stock anything that is low in cafe.
7:45 am- Prayer time with morning staff and manager
8:00 am- 10:30 am- Serve Breakfast- This is a 2 1/2 hour period that flies by because it is so busy. I love the morning shift because you get to see so many people and they are generally in better moods than they are when they come to reception.
10:30-11am- Eat breakfast w/ cafe staff and manager
11am- 1 pm- Clean cafe, do dishes, prepare food and drinks for guests
1pm- Prepare lunch for cleaners and staff
1:30- Shift ends, Eat lunch with cleaners and staff.
2:30- 5:30- Hang out with cleaners or guests, run errands, go back to house to rest or clean
5:30 pm- Dinner at the hostel w/ staff and cleaners
7:30 pm- Bible discussion with guests, led by a staff member
8:30 pm- Evening activity at hostel/ just hanging out with guests. This is where the "really work" takes place. It's these evening conversations that lead to deep discussions. I rarely return home before 11 pm, even if I have a morning shift.
11 pm- Bike home

Each day is a little different. i work different shifts at different times so sometimes I arrive later in the day and stay later at night. I sometimes work in the cafe and sometimes in reception also, but since 5 of my last 8 shifts have been morning cafe I figured this was a fairly good view of what my days look like.

Like any mission field this place presents so many challenges, but i know that God is working in this place and I am encouraged by the opportunities I have been presented with to share my faith and discuss all sorts of religious/ spiritual issues

Funny moments from yesterday:
1. At breakfast one of our options includes a hard boiled egg. Well this man comes up to me after he got his food and asks me what he is supposed to do with the egg. It took 5 minutes of explaining to get him to understand that the egg was already cooked and he was supposed to eat it. My question is, "Why did he order is if he didn't even know what it was?"

2. Yesterday I on my way to work I almost ran over a pigeon. It wouldn't get out of the way and finally moved at the last second. I nearly screamed b/c i thought I was going to hit it. There are a lot of pigeons here and they are just another biking hazard here in the city.

3. We spent all of dinner playing pranks on one of our managers last night. The crowning moment was when he left the room for a moment and came bakc to find his dessert gone. He nearly had a tantrum when he thought we had eaten it (he wasn't really mad). We finally gave it back. It is good to work for someone who you can have fun with too.

Well, it is about time to head over to lunch. I work an evening shift in the cafe tonight and it's going to be super busy b/c we have a local band coming to play so there will be lots of people.

With each day comes a new challenge

2007-08-16T16:01:00.000-05:00

I have never considered myself to be particularly sheltered. I have always thought of myself as being fairly open and aware of what is going on in the world. Each day I am here i realize how little I truly know. Each day is a new, frightening challenge where my faith is questioned and tested. I am constantly called upon to answer for my beliefs. You think you know so much when you get out of school, but in reality you know so little.

And the realities of so many of the situations here are heart breaking. Not everyone who stays in the hostels are rich young students on a gap year. So many of them are people who ahve scrimped together enough money for a night out of the cold. There are people here who literally have no where else to go. The hostel has become home. At the same you build relationships wiht these people and suddenly poverty has a face. You grow to care about them and want to save them the hardship of going back on the streets. It's also so hard to watch people you have grown to care for do things you know are wrong. Almost every one of the people I have met at the hostel who are not on staff spend time at the coffeeshoppes (shops that sell soft drugs- marjuana, mushrooms, special brownies). Sometimes it is surreal to sit having a deep conversation with someone and then when you say goodbye for the night you realize they are off to a coffeeshop or the red light district. You stop seeing them as these horribly, immoral people. They are your friends and you cry out for them. The brokeness of this world has never been more visible to me.

Please pray for the people here. And please pray for my strength as I am called to answer many things I don't even understand.

The First Days of Work

2007-08-10T17:39:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how busy life is here. I think that one of the challenges is going to be finding quiet time. I have worked the early morning shift in the cafe for the past 3 days. It is tiring, but I enjoy it because you get to see almost every guest as the prepare to leave or head out on a day of sighseeing. I am still a bit nervous with riding my bike, especially in busy traffic, but I like riding in the early morning (7 am) to work because no one is out and it is so quiet. That is a huge contrast with the rest of the time because this city is loud and busy late into the night.

The house I live in is in the Jordan district, one of the nicest prettiest districts in the city. My room looks out onto the street and I have enjoyed people watching from my window as i get ready in the morning. During the day we throw open the windows and let in the cool summer air. It is in the 70's here during the day and 50's at night. I carry a jacket everywhere. Yesterday I was caught in a rain storm on the way back to work and I had to borrow clothes from the leftover clothes closet because I was so completely soaked. I had walked to church with one of our cleaners so I didn't even have my bike. We walked several kilometers in the rain. I think I need to invest in a good umbrella:)

Really the true work here goes on when we aren't working shifts. The true purpose is to talk with people and hear their stories and try to share Christ with them. The past few days have been some of the the most intense encounters I have ever had. Friday, I was having a conversation with a young woman who is a guest at the hostel and she mentions that she really doesn't know anything about Christianity. When I asked her if she would like to know more she replied, "Yes!" I then got to share with her the story of God, creation, and the beginning of the story of Christ. It was incredibly intense and so strange to have an opprotunity like that placed before you. Over the course of the past 3 days she has had numerous conversations with myself and other staff members. Last night we were finally able to explain to her that it is not just about a list of rules that we must follow, but rather about a relationship and a desire to serve the one we love. The questions she is asking are more than casual curiousity, but the questions of a person who is trying to make a decision. I know that God is working in her heart. She left for Belgium this morning, but i have her e-mail and I hope to keep in touch with her.

God is moving in Amsterdam and working through this ministry more than I could ever have imagined. When you ask God to give you opportunities to share the gospel with others he truly does give you those chances.

Amsterdam Day 1-2

2007-08-09T06:21:00.000-05:00

I am here in Amsterdam! Things are going well so far. I start officially working in the Cafe tommorow, although i have already began attending Ministry training classes and small group. Today i took my bike out for the first time. I haven't ridden a bike since I was like 12 so it has been a little intimidating, but i think I am getting the hang of it. I got lost trying to find my way back to the house, but i did eventually find my way back on my own.
Everyone I have met so far is really nice and I already find myself fitting in with the people here. I'm sure I'll have more to say later.

Here we go....

2007-08-05T14:54:00.000-05:00

It's the choice of a lifetime & I'm almost sure
I will not live my life in between anymore
If I can't be certain of all that's in store
This far it feels so right
I will hold it up hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

The search for my future has brought me here
This is more than I'd hoped for, but sometimes I fear
That the choice I was made for will someday appear
And I'll be too late for that flight
So hold it up hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

I said God, will you bless this decision?
I'm scared. Is my life at stake?
But I know if you gave me a vision
Would I never have reason to use my faith?

Now as soon as I'm moving my choice is good
This way comes through right where I prayed that it would
If I keep my eyes open and look where I should
Somehow all of the signs are in sight
If I hold up the light

It's too late to be stopped at the crossroads
Each life here and each a possible way
But wait and they all will be lost roads
Each path's growing shorter the longer I stay

I was dead with deciding and afraid to choose
I was mourning the loss of the choices I'd lose
But there's no choice at all if I don't make my move
And trust that the timing is right
I will hold it up hold it up to the light
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light.

-Smalltown Poets

See you in Amsterdam!

Long time no see

2007-07-20T15:10:00.000-05:00

Wow, I really have gotten bad about this. I just feel like I have little to write. I've tried to refrain from rambling about random events and people that few of you know of or care of, but that's all I've really got right now. The countdown for Amsterdam has begun, less than 3 weeks. The freaking out will begin soon I'm sure. In the mean time I'm just trying to spend as much time as I can with my family and friends. This summer has really given me a chance to reconnect and catch up with a lot of old friends. I've also attended 3 beautiful weddings for 3 wonderful couples. It was awesome to be able to see each of my friends so happy.

The last couple of weeks I've been getting together with a couple of my friends from high school. As we left high school we each had very different dreams and goals, but now 4 years later our paths and interests seem to be heading in the same direction. We've been having a great time getting together and telling stories about our travels and sharing our dreams for the future. The 3 of us even hatched a plan to start our own NGO in Africa. While it might be a joke now, I won't be shocked if somewhere down the line we really do do something like that. It's so rare to find people who you can talk openly to about your passions, travels, and dreams and their eyes don't glaze over after 30 seconds. The hours that we've spent together talking have been a huge blessing to me this summer.

And finally.... I'm putting together an e-mail list for my newsletter while in Amsterdam. If you'd like to be added to the list drop me an e-mail at michelle_travels84@yahoo.com

And now for some pictures...

The girls at Ryan Harper's wedding. (Notice the black and white theme)

The girls all formerly of NA Youth Group at Josh and Amber's wedding.

Aimee, Mandy, and I before Mark and Lindsey's wedding.

One-way Ticket on an Eastbound Plane.....

2007-06-26T12:50:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I bought a one-way ticket to Amsterdam. The concept of a oneway ticket in itself is kind of a scary thing. It says, "I don't know when I'm coming home." or even "I'm not coming home." Now technically I do know when I'm coming home, but it's quite a ways in the future. Well, it is for me. You see this will be not only the longest I've ever been away from home, but also the first time I haven't been with my family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Don't get me wrong I'm really really excited about going and I'm convinced again and again that this is where I need to go, but at the same time I'm scared. I think it would be rather naive to not be. I believe that this is going to be one of the best things I ever do in my life. I also think it's going to be the hardest. I think it's going to be hard because of the nature of the ministry. I think it's going to be hard because of the heart breaking situations that I'm going to encounter on a daily basis. I think it's going to be hard because the whole living/ working situation is stressful. But most of all I think it'll be hard because of the internal struggle. The struggles of self doubt and fear. Or worse the struggle against apathy or the temptation to take the easy road. I think there will be good times, but I know that once the excitement of being in Europe wears off I will likely be meeting one of the greatest challenges of my life.
I've known this, at least unconsciously, all along, but now with a ticket in hand and a greatly diminished bank account, it all feels more real.

On a related note: I've been reassured and reconfirmed that I'm doing the right thing by so many people, friends and strangers alike. I've been so blessed by their encouragement. I wish they could understand truly how much it means to me.

Camp Wrap-up and some other stuff.

2007-06-19T21:15:00.000-05:00

Well camp has come and gone. It was a fantastic week! Having not been there in two years I was a bit worried about going back. I was afraid I wouldn't really know anyone anymore and I would spend the week in the awkward "Acquaintance" phase. You know where you kind of know people, but not well enough to just like randomly join them at dinner. But by the end of the first day I'd lost all fear of that. It was like coming home. I don't think I really realized how much I missed camp until I got back there. I feel so blessed to have been able to be a part of SuperWeek. The campers were awesome and I can't even begin to express what a blessing the other staff was to me this week.

I could write so much, but I'm just going to go with a few highlights.

Funniest Moment that wasn't supposed to be funny: P. Murph's portrayl of Jonah (see his blog for the full story)

-A close second was the Talent Show (if you saw it you know why)

Funniest Moment that was actually supposed to be funny: Ben's radio show.

New event that should be a tradition: Staff cookouts after lights out.

Moment where I almost peed my pants: When Buck and Ben B. jumped out at Lauren and I late one night. Our screams actually woke up Cabin 1.

Moment where I almost cried: When Curt gave Danny the whistle. I think much of the staff was near tears during that one.

Best camper moment: Watching all the junior campers at the petting zoo.

Other random highlights: Apple Smashing w/ SWAT, pulling off a little revenge and not getting caught, Operation Incognito

I was sad for the week to end and I hope that I can again be involved in some of the planning in the coming year.

Oh in totally unrelated news, I was accepted into graduate school at USC so when I get back from Amsterdam I'll be starting on my Master's in Social Work.

Amsterdam Calling

2007-05-28T23:04:00.000-05:00

Today I received an e-mail from the ministry in Amsterdam that I will be working with next year. They are short of workers and want me to come a month early, meaning I would be there for 10 months instead of 9. I would start the beginning of August. This is something I must really think about and pray about. My knee jerk reaction is "Of Course!" because I am always ready to get on with the next adventure and this summer has been looking a little too long. But on the other hand the logical part of me screams, "You haven't started fundraising, you don't have the proper visas yet, you don't have the paperwork done yet, and you'll have to get your passport expediated because you need more visa pages." It is essentially those 4 things that hold me back from an instant "YES."

I really want to go. I want to say yes. And part of me thinks I should simply take this leap of faith that God will provide for me and just GO! But part me says that there is a difference between a leap of faith and a leap of foolishness and wonders if it is wise for me to go early? It is only a month. But a lot can happen in a month.

Please pray- for the wisdom to make the right choice, for all the paper work to go through as it needs to, and for the funds to come in irregardless of if I go early or not.

Staggs Graduated!

2007-05-14T19:04:00.000-05:00

So I graduated Saturday.
It was a bit of let down to be handed an empty diploma cover. I don't think I fully believe that I am away from Harding's control until I have that diploma in hand. The ceremony was ridiculously long and boring and looking back I'm not sure it was really worth the effort.
But on the plus side my brother Adam and my brother Austin along with his wife and kids came down for the weekend. We got to have a really nice visit. It made the whole graduating thing kind of secondary and I was glad for that.

At some point I'll post some pictures, but I'll have to transfer them from the laptop. I don't think I have a single picture of me with my cap on.

I spent most of the day unpacking. Tommorow will be more of the same. Soon I will hopefully be able to get to work on stuff for camp as well as doing my fundraising letters for Amsterdam.
And at some point I'll need to find a summer job.

It finally hit me

2007-05-11T07:23:00.000-05:00

I forced myself to delete an overly sentimental (i.e really lame) post about graduation.
Instead I'll just say that it's finally sinking in and I'm not really liking all these goodbyes. It's harder than I thought.

2007-05-10T01:20:00.000-05:00

I think I'm supposed to have something incredibly insightful to say at this point. Or at least make some kind of post about all the joys of college. People keep asking me if I'm sad to be leaving. I think they expect the answer to be "Yes", but it really isn't. I'm going to miss some people, but I'm not to miss being here. I've decided that there are two kinds of graduates, those who are all nostalgic and leave with tears in their eyes and then there are those who are just so "done" with it all that they border on bitter and cynical. I think I fall into the second category. I'm not angry, I'm not sorry that I came to school here, and I am thankful for the experiences that I've had here. But instead of finding myself wanting to make peace with everything and being all happy "Oh I just love everything, I'm going to miss it, I can't wait to come back and visit," I find myself wanting to burn bridges. I keep having to bite my tongue to keep from saying things that I know I shouldn't say. It's this sense that it doesn't really matter what I saw because I'm leaving anyway and they can't really do anything to me. You'd think at this point I'd want to be nice here at the end, leave everyone with a nice final impression.
And I'm not particularly inclined to spend all my time trying to get in one last visit with all my friends either. I know I should want to, but I just want to go home. I just want my family to get here and I want to go home. It's like my brain has mentally skipped over graduation and moved on to the summer. I keep expecting it to hit. I keep expecting to have this moment where it all becomes real and I realize that I am graduating. Maybe tommorow.....

2007-05-02T23:42:00.000-05:00

See that countdown...it's in the single digits.....

Busy Weekends and the countdown continues...

2007-04-30T12:04:00.000-05:00

The craziest weekend of my semester has closed and now I begin my last week of classes at HU. It still doesn't really feel like I'm graduating. Part of me feels like I should be sad, but really I just keep telling myself, "In two weeks I'll have my own room again, my mom will cook for me, and I won't have any homework." Maybe next week I'll be sad. Anyway I am excited about graduation weekend because my older brothers are both coming. I haven't seen Adam in over a year so I'm really excited for him to come (really I think the family is just coming to see him and using me as the excuse). Austin and his wife, Jen are coming with my adorable nephews too. Currently it appears that Logan won't be able to come because of school nor will Amy seeing as she lives in Peru. And obviously my parents are coming (how else would I get my stuff home).

Only 12 more days.

As I mentioned this weekend was the craziest of the semester if not of my whole college life. I had 3 formals and my senior tea. After this weekend I never want to wear high heels again.

But here's some photos of the weekend:

Friday Night

Here's me with my roommate, Courtney and my friend Amanda at the Zeta Rho formal at the Governor's Mansion

Saturday

Here's me with my date, Matthew and my friends Andrea and Greg at the Regina formal at the Little Rock Club

Here's me and my friends Katie playing with the balloons.

Sunday Afternoon

Sunday Night
Here are me and my roomies at the Theatre Formal.

I'm updating because I don't want to do homework!

2007-04-28T00:14:00.000-05:00

The past couple of weeks have been insanely busy. I never realized just how much stuff I would have to get done these last few weeks before graduation.
Last Saturday I had the privilege of speaking at my club retreat. It was out at Camp Crossed Arrow and our theme was love. Originally they had planned to have a missionary come and speak, but that did not work out so I apparently was the next best thing. I spoke on the topic of loving others and the importance of loving those you serve. I shared some about my experiences in Africa and talked about the need to love people without agenda. I believe that the greatest command must precede the great commission. We have to love others before we can ever think about “converting” them. Love must show the way to Christ. Christianity isn’t a sales pitch. It’s about relationships and when we become so focused on “saving souls” we forget that we are here to save people. Recently I came across a verse in I Thessalonians that has become my theme verse for missions.
I Thessalonians 2:6-8 says, “As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”

I think that’s what missions is all about. It’s sharing our lives with people and through that sharing God.

This past week has been filled with preparation for “A Clown’s Play,” a children’s show that retells the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. We rehearsed every night this week. We spent all day yesterday performing at elementary schools followed by a final performance on campus last night. By the end of the night I was exhausted. My face actually hurts from smiling so much. But it was a lot of fun.
Because I was one of the narrators I was on stage the entire show. It was the biggest part I’ve ever had in a play. I always used to dream of having a lead role, but it’s so nerve racking being up there that I think I prefer smaller parts.

TV (and my parents) warped my brain....

2007-04-21T00:16:00.000-05:00

I’m very good at games like “Scene it” and “Shout out at the Movies.” People always assume that I possess all of this film trivia knowledge simply because I am a theatre major. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. The reason I know an abnormal amount of movie trivia is because of my father.
My dad and I like to watch movie. My dad tends to prefer older movies, while I prefer newer ones. I used to have a rule I called the “1975 rule.” By this rule I refused to watch any movies that were made before 1975. It wasn’t until at least mid-high school that I realized that I was missing out on some great stuff. Since then I’ve watched a lot of movies and mini-series with my dad. My dad and I are alike in that we are “marathon tv/ movie” watchers. We can sit for hours if we’re interested in something. We once spent an entire day watching “The Streets of Laredo” mini-series. That thing is like 10 hours long. If I remember correctly it was actually New Years Day and I ditched watching the Rose Parade with my mom, which made her kind of mad.
In addition to being marathon watchers, we are also what I’ll call “research watchers.” We can’t just watch a film or TV and enjoy it. We must look up every actor in it, look up reviews of it, and find out when it was made and if it won any awards. We have a stack of books in our living room floor to aid us in our research (yes, in the middle of the floor…the book shelf would be too far to walk.) Because of this “research” I know a lot about movies. Honestly I find it kind of ironic that my father, the scientist, is the one who taught me all about the art of film.
In my Tv watching with my dad, I’ve also been exposed to some shows and movies that I wouldn’t normally watch. Many of them I whine my way through or bug my dad until he changes the channel, but there have been a few that he has “converted” me to. I must shamefully admit that I have sat up late on more than one occasion watching “Dog: The Bounty Hunter” with my dad. Seriously, the show is hilarious and who doesn’t like seeing bad guys put in jail. It’s like watching cops, but with better costumes.
Another show my dad has converted me to over Christmas is “Myth busters.” This show is just cool. I never thought you could have so much fun watching educational television. I think my dad secretly wishes that they’d hire him to work on the show. I think if I was good as science I’d wish that too.
My “Myth Buster” watching has continued as I’ve been back at school. It was while flipping channels to see if “Myth Busters” was on on the Discovery Channel that I came across, “Man vs. Wild.” Now this is in fact the most awesome show ever. This guy skydives into these remote locations with nothing and has to survive and find his way back to civilization. This guy is so hardcore. In one episode he hacked off a piece of a dead zebra left over from a lion kill and ate it raw! (I think that was the moment I fell in love.) The stuff this guy does is just totally insane. If I were a boy I’d want to be that hardcore (not trying to be sexist, but honestly I don’t think a girl could do about half the stuff he does). It has become my new favorite show. I actually watched 3, one hour episodes last Saturday night and then stayed up late and watched the same three episodes again until like 2 am. (the fact that I spent Saturday night watching the Discovery channel is probably a little sad) It will be my mission when I get home this summer to convert my father to this show. I just hope my mother doesn’t get mad again. I still don’t think she’s forgiven me for introducing “Prison Break” into our home (that might have had something to do with the fact that we watched the first season on DVD for about 5 hours a night for a week straight over Christmas break).

Oh, Yeah….And Dad, You can’t claim I never learned anything from you.

Just for the sake of perspective....

2007-04-19T18:30:00.000-05:00

(This post is stolen from Philip Murphy. Check out his blog at http://samoanews.blogspot.com

Just to let you know, in case you've been sleeping the past 24 hours... here's what's happened.

33 have died in the VT massacre.

233 souls died in Iraq in yesterday's bombings alone.

468 people are estimated to have died in Darfur yesterday from malnutrition and violence.

3,000 children died yesterday from malaria in Africa, an entirely treatable disease.

3,000 children died on Tuesday, too. And Monday, and Sunday, and Saturday...

Just thought I'd let you know.

More about Haiti

2007-04-06T15:21:00.000-05:00

Because I was forced to jump back into school so immediatly upon returning from Haiti, I really didn't have a lot of time to process my experience. As these past few weeks have gone by I'm gradually been able to evaluate everything more clearly. That is why you are getting all kinds of posts on Haiti now.

Today I wanted to tell a little bit about what I actually did in Haiti. My trip was part of my senior capstone project for theatre, which sounds rather odd, but somehow managed to work out pretty well. For the past several years Oneal Tankersley and a handfull of various other has gone down to Haiti with a medical team from Pleasant Valley Church of Christ, and made short, culturally relevant health education films in French Creole. As part of this years "film crew" I worked with Oneal to write a script on Wound Care prior to going. Then I was able to assist Oneal in the production of the film. As is true with any kind of mission, every day was a surprise and I really didn't do the same thing twice it seemed. The first day I was busy logging shots and serving as sort of script supervisor/production assistant. Day two I got to try my hand at a bit of directing, along with coaching acting and doing some pretty sweet wound make-up with very limited resources. Day 3 I was a baby sitter and spent 75% of my day playing with kids and trying to keep them "quiet" and out of the shots. Day 4 I was really sick and spent most of the day in bed. And day 5 was saying goodbye to all "my kids" and finishing some cutaway shots. That first day I was very focused on proving that I had something to contribute to the team and focused very little on connecting with the people, but by the end of the week I was realizing that connecting with the people was the most important part. Looking back on the week I'm not convinced that I really did enough "real work", but the experiences I had and the relationships I built were worth much more to me than all that "real work."

I have a few videos of me working on the trip (and one of me learning to dance which is just dang funny). I haven't a clue how to post a video on here, but here's the link to the video courtesy of Jace. http://jklinternational.com/michelle.html

Oh yeah the second video is of this bottle that i made to look like someone had cut their foot on it for a cutaway shot in our wound care film. Be warned it's kind of nasty.

P.S. Granny and Papa you can post comments by clicking on the link at the bottom that says the number of comments. Most likely it'll say "0 comments." You should be able to click on that and post a comment without being a blogger member.

Quit your whining... Here's a bit more.

2007-04-04T18:01:00.000-05:00

So I was given some harsh criticism for my failure to give basically any details about my trip to Haiti on here. So to remedy that I post a slideshow of pictures (above) with some captions briefly describing what's going on. Click on the "view all" button to read complete captions.

Here is my journal entry on my first morning in Haiti. I wrote this while sitting on a 3rd story balcony overlooking the street. It was early in the morning and I just wrote whatever came into my head at the time:

"to wake up in a third world country is to wake up in a different world. The city of Gonaivs began to stir long before I got up at 6 am. This city is not beautiful at least not as far as I see from the third story balcony of the Paradis hotel. It reminds me a lot of the missionaries homes in Africa.

Gonavies is the sort of city that seems like it ought to be beautiful, but because of poverty and deforestation it is dusty and mostly filled with dreary, dirt colored buildings. But it certainly seems vibrant. Last night the street were bustling well after 9 pm and well before 5 this morning. It is interesting to just sit here and watch the traffic go by...people on bikes, cramed into colorfully painted flatbeds and school buses, piled into the backs of pickups, double or triple on motorbikes, or simply walking.

I know I must be in plain view of the street, but no one sees me. No one ever looks up. Some women just walked by with huge plastic tubs balanced on their heads. I keep looking for signs of movement on the eroding, brown, mountains, but I see none. Perhaps I am just too far away to tell, but it seems lifeless.

I need to go eat breakfast, but I really just want to sit here and watch. It's odd being here watching, yet unseen. I'm not a white person. I'm not a celebrity. I'm not even here. Now it's time to face the people, Haiti and my group.

Some small children have noticed me. It is always the children who see things most clearly. They waved, I waved. I wish I could go out and play. But I have to be a grown up and I must behave myself and be safe because everyone seems to expect me to be kidnapped the moment I step out of the compound. "
- March 11, 2007

If I'm in the mood I may post more later.

Haiti Pictures

2007-03-17T22:52:00.000-05:00

This is the sunset over Ouanga Bay.

These are all the students that went (minus 1). There were a total of 26 people with us, but the rest were "adults." This is us on the last day at the beach. We can't spend the night in Port-au- Prince so we stay at a beach resort outside the city the ngith before we fly out.
This is my favorite litte girl, Berline. She followed me around everywhere.
The landscape of Haiti is really varied. This is just one view.
Here is another view. This is out where we filmed. I got to spend most of my week out in this beauty.

I have like 300 pictures and a lot of them are on facebook if you have it.

Haiti

2007-03-17T15:57:00.000-05:00

I've returned safely from Haiti. I can't belive this week is over. It has been amazing. Before I left I was dreading the trip. I was afraid and felt ill equipped to serve, but once again God stepped in and handled everything. I found myself dreading the end of the trip. I feel like I've experienced the full spectrum of emotions this week. Even now I feel overwhelmed as I try to process it all. It is hard to comprehend so many different experiences in such a short time. A part of me wants to write these detailed accounts of what we did this week, but I simply find myself marveling at the moments. Moments that will stick with me forever: watching a grown man cry tears of thankfullness because his wife and daughters life had been saved, seeing the reactions of our Haitian actors as they watched themselves on films, having a precious baby fall asleep in my arms, passing an afternoon learning haitian dances from a bunch of school children, holding the hand of a blind woman and wishing more than anything there was something I could do to help her, seeing a team of very different people come together for one purpose. Some things transcend culture. Children are one, God is the other. This week I got to see God's love transcend all things. I don't know what else to say other than to say that I feel incredibly blessed to have been able to be a part of this trip.

In addition to this incredibly emotional week, I received word this morning that I have been accepted to work with a Christian youth hostel ministry in The Netherlands. I will be moving to Amsterdam in September for 9 months.

I'll post pictures from the trip later, but I can't get stuff to upload right now.

And we're off!

2007-03-08T23:19:00.000-06:00

Gone to Haiti....Be back later.

Please keep us in your prayers. I promise several long posts on the trip when I get back (I know you are so excited.)

Introspection on the brink of adventure

2007-03-04T16:51:00.000-06:00

Below is a link to the blog of one of the missionaries I interned with this summer. It's been a rough week for them. Please keep the team in your prayers.
http://mwanza.blogspot.com/

Friday I leave for Haiti. Confession time here....I'm scared. More scared than I was about either of my trips to Africa. Last night, I read back through my prayer journal and I was surprised by the similarity between how I feel now about Haiti and how I felt when I wrote some of my early journal entries in Africa. One entry in particular struck me. It was a simple prayer then and it's nearly the same prayer my hearts been praying now.

"I am not adequate. I do not know the words I need to say to the people here. I want to help the work not hinder it , but I am very afraid. Lord, tell me what to say. Speak through me. I am being forced out of my comfort zone. I know that's good, but it's also scary. I'm not good at speaking to people, but you've used people less willing than me and I know you can make me useable too." -June 6, 2005

Highlight of the Day!

2007-03-02T00:37:00.000-06:00

Just a quick post to say how incredibly excited I am to be heading back to Palmetto Bible Camp this summer. It is still my favorite place in the world.

Waiting for God(ot)

2007-02-23T14:11:00.000-06:00

I hate waiting. I've never been particularly patient. I like solutions and results immediatly. I like to know where I'm going. I don't like it when things are out of my control.

This week I've had the flu. Today was the first time I even left my apartment since I went to the doctor on Tuesday. As I'm sure everyone would agree, being sick isn't any fun at all. For me it's especially challenging because I don't like to be still. I especially don't like to be inactive when I have things I need to be doing. This flu thing came at a rather inconvenient time for me as I am in the middle of my senior capstone project and preparations to leave for Haiti. I just don't have time to be sick. Unfortunatly my body disagreed and decided that I wasn't going to be allowed to do any work (I think it was conspiring with my mother who is always telling me to calm down). So for the past 2 days I have laid on the couch and done basically nothing. It's all rather frustrating to me to have things so out of my control, but it has given me sometime to think....

As I said I hate waiting....on anyone. And I've always had a hard time waiting on God. But this year God has forced me to wait....I suppose all of college he has done so, but especially this year. When I started college I thought I would have everything figured out by Christmas of my freshman year. Sophemore year I thought I would have it all figured out by the time junior year started. Junior year was the same. And as I began my senior year I was determined that I would have my 5 year plan by Christmas. Christmas came and went and I still had not so much as a six month plan, let alone a 5 year one. I returned to school barely concealing my freaking out. Finally several weeks after returning to school I made a sort of decision and applied for a program. Now I'm waiting again to see if I'm accepted. Once again it's all out of my hands (as if it ever really was in my hands) If I'm not accepted I guess I'm back to square one, but I'm trusting that if I don't get this that there is a reason and God will open a different door for me.

"What are you going to do, bleed on me?" and other things you shouldn't say in chapel.

2007-02-16T21:28:00.000-06:00

Today in chapel in the course of a "lesson" about the history of William Cowper and John Newton, the speaker talked about an old plantation house that during the civil war was used as a hospital. He vividly described how wounded soliders would be operated on and then the amputated limbs would be thrown off the balcony of the house. Eventually the professor got around to a sort of point. He went on to say that even now, hundreds of years later, there are still blood stains on the floor of that plantation house. He said that whenever he thought about the blood stains he thought about the sacrifice of Jesus. Let me just say that I am in no way trying to make light of the sacrifice of Christ, but my twisted little sense of humor was working a mile a minute on this one. Now I'll admit that he probably lost me with the word amputate, but seriously judging from the giggles that rippled across the Benson during the talk, no one else had a clue where he was going with the talk either.
Now a couple of images came to my mind also while he was speaking, but they weren't quite the same. The first was the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, where Arthur fights the Black Knight. I'm not sure that I'll ever manage to disassociate the word amputation from that scene. "Oh, it's just a flesh wound," I whispered to my suitemate who was sitting next to me. We then spent the next several moments giggling over the scene.
The next thing I thought about was, "What does God think about this little talk?" I had this mental image of God groaning, "Oh, no no he isn't talking about severed limbs again..." as he hits himself in the head. Perhaps slightly sacreligious, but seriously I wonder what God was thinking as he listened to it. I'm completely and totally convinced that God has an incredible sense of humor and I like to think that he was probably laughing along with us during this rather ridiculous chapel service. It's kind of like those Pug dogs, that are so ugly they are cute. Or watching the really awful singers on American Idol, they are so bad that you watch for all the wrong reasons. Maybe it's totally inappropriate to laugh at it, but today was truly the worst and yet the best chapel I have ever attended.

Ironically the last song we sang was, "There's a fountain full of blood." You try keeping a straight face during that one.

Reason #1297 That I should probably not go into acting...

2007-02-13T16:46:00.000-06:00

Now as has been stated about a million times on here, I am a theatre major. I’ve spent quite a bit of time defending it, but I have to admit that there are days when I really wonder why in the world I choose to put myself through this kind of torture.

I’m taking an advanced acting class right now. The focus of the class is learning to be “emotionally available.” It's all about being "real" and connecting with your acting partner. Now at times this is a good thing, but frequently this means getting really far out of your comfort zone. Each of us as performers has different things that we need to work on. One of my biggest challenges is physically relating to people. I’m not a particularly “touchy-feely” person. I’m also not a huge fan of PDA (Public Displays of Affection). Unfortunately in acting we are often called upon to portray situations that we can neither relate to nor are comfortable with, the whole no PDA/ “don’t touch me” thing becomes a bit of problem. I’m sure at this point you’re catching on to where this is going….

Today in acting class I was called to do a scene in which I was one half of a recently engaged couple who is fighting over when to get married. He wants to wait for her parent’s approval, but she wants to get married now. It is later revealed in the scene that she is pregnant and that is why she so desperately wants to get married. Sounds simple enough (ok maybe not, but fairly typical for this class). Unfortunatly for me, I was paired with one of the most physically comfortable actors in the class. He had the “brilliant” idea of starting the scene by coming in and hugging and kissing me. All right, so that’s a believable thing to do and potentially good blocking…..but this was an improved scene. So I didn’t know it was coming. I did probably the worst thing I could have possibly done; I flinched away and broke character. The entire class is watching this happen. I managed to recover and finish the scene without too many other mishaps. But after class I was warned by several of my male classmates that I won’t get off so easily next time. I'm not so happy about any of them having any sort of goal that involves me kissing them, on or off stage.

My dad called a little while ago and I told him about the incident. He seemed to think it was hilarious. That is until I reminded him that it was in fact his sweet, little baby girl who'd be kissing all these boys. That shut him up.

Little known fact: In the Grimm's Fairy Tale Version of "The Frog Prince," the princess doesn't kiss the frog. She actually gets so angry with him that she throws him against a wall. He turns into a prince upon impact. - I prefer this version of the story.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day (a little early)

The Haircut!

2007-02-08T11:08:00.000-06:00

So I was going to get my hair trimmed yesterday........ I ended up cutting off 10 inches (Surprise, MOM!).

We had a little fun along the way:

The She-Mullet <<<<
The Reverse Mullet <<<<

After:

Live from the Flood Victims Refugee Camp!

2007-02-05T17:16:00.000-06:00

As some of you may have heard, it was a rather interesting weekend for me here at Harding. Saturday evening as I sat at dinner with my roommates in Little Rock, I received a phone call. Generally I like phone calls. It's nice to hear from family or friends, but this was not one of those phone calls. It was a fellow RA from my dorm informing me that the sprinklers had gone off in the dorm and that my apartment was flooded. We quickly paid for our meal and drove back to school not knowing how bad things were. We arrived to find several inches of water on our bathroom floor. All of the carpeted areas had apparently absorbed the water and allowed it to pass through to the two floors below us (I think the large hole in our kitchen floor helped with that also). All in all 6 apartments were flooded and the 24 residents of these apartments were forced to move to other available rooms (more on this later).

Now you may be wondering what happened? How did the sprinklers accidentally go off? Well, let's see.....Some "genius" girl got the "brilliant" idea to hang a clotheshanger on the sprinkler head in her room ("Like I totally thought that they were like totally to hang stuff on!") . She jerked the hanger off and it broke the sensor setting off the sprinkler. When the sprinkler goes off it automatically sets off the fire alarm so the entire building had to evacuate. It was 30-45 minutes before people were able to come back into the building and get the water shut off (I'm not exactly sure why it took that long.) So essentially 165 lbs of water pressure was rushing out of the sprinkler for at least 30 minutes. At one point there was approximatly 5 inches of standing water on the third floor. The ceiling tiles of the floors below us caved in. Thousands of dollars of damage was done. Thankfully no one was hurt (not exactly sure how we would have gotten hurt, maybe drowning....I have no idea). My suite was really blessed because nothing major was damaged, but some people lost their computers, tv's, microwaves, and all sorts of personal items which are even harder to replace. I've tried to feel bad for the girl who caused this mess, but I can't help but be mad at her for not thinking at all. I know she didn't plan to do this, but it doesn't change the fact that it was in fact her fault. The least she could do would be to apologize for it. Ironically her name is Katrina and some students have started refering to her as "Hurricane Katrina." I know that's probably harsh, but it makes us feel better.

Now let's go back to the topic of the available rooms. Generally their aren't a lot of extra beds just waiting to be occupied by flood victims. There is only one dorm on campus that ever really has open rooms, Stephens. There is a reason it has open rooms, mostly because it resembles the psych ward of a prison hospital. This is the dorm I lived in my freshman year. As a matter of fact i'm living in the exact same room that I lived in freshman year( For some reason it seemed a lot cooler back then too.) This wasn't exactly the kind of "homecoming" one looks forward to.

We get to move back in in a week. Until then it's eating out or meals in the caf. and forcing myself to do my homework in this unadorned, unstimulating cinderblock cell called a freshman dorm room.

The upside to all of this is Harding is giving each of us a $150 compensation for meals. I have 35 meals in the cafe that I would never use so I figure I'll use them up and keep the money.
How much is an IPod, again?

100 days

2007-02-01T18:05:00.000-06:00

For a while there I was getting worried b/c I really wasn't too excited about graduating, but as plans have started to form I've gotten really excited. I think I'm ready to be done here.

100 days and counting!

Hush: An Interview with America

2007-01-28T16:55:00.000-06:00

It's about time for another picture post. I'm a bit camera happy sometimes and that has especially been the case sense I made the switch from film to digital. I still shoot with film on occasion, but most of the time it's just too much trouble. Here's some pictures from the show I was in this weekend. Obviously since I'm in them I didn't take most of them so don't blame me for the quality of composition. The show is called Hush: An interview with America. It's the story of a 12 year old girl on her search for faith (and no I did not play the 12 year old.) The entire set, props, and costumes were done in grey scale except for the main character and her imaginary friend. That;s why I'm always in black and white.

This is the cast and crew of "HUSH: An interview with America." There's about 20 different versions of this picture, including a few "not quite ready shots" that involve everyone looking pretty much anywhere but at the camera.

This is a rather blurry shot of me in my "reporter" costume. I got to play about 10 different characters over the course of the show, including a hippie, an old woman, a little girl, a reporter, and an obnoxious southern/british/alaskan woman.

In this scene I play a woman named Paula who is a huge fan of Jana Roberts (left) , a TV reporter who has mysteriously climbed out of the TV and into the home of Frank Parks (seated). I have just appeared out of no where in Frank's living room to be interviewed by Jana.

Little Maggie Parks (kneeling) has been chased away from home and is now lost on the streets. She calls out to passersby asking for help. My reply, "Look, I'm just a normal self absorbed, disinterested person, Okay!"

In my final scene I play a snobby and rather annoying Alaskan woman with a psuedo British/Southern accent (don't ask b/c I really don't know) who wants to be the center of attention. At the final dress rehearsal I completely blanked on my last line in mid-sentence. Ironically, the line was "Well, if you ask me I think that....." But I couldn't remember what it was I thought.

"Figure out what you love and find a way to serve God with it."

2007-01-25T16:55:00.000-06:00

The other day in a class a girl mentioned that her father was leaving the business world to pursue full time ministry. Our professor kept going on and on about how wonderful it was that he was doing that. Like he had been denying the call of God all these years and was finally doing the right thing. But why is it wrong to be in the business world? We need more Christians bringing their morals and ethics into the business world and so many other careers. We can't all be full time, fully supported missionaries or preachers. It seems like so often having a career that isn't missions or ministry is seen as almost criminal or at least of lesser value. But I think it's so important for Christians to be out and active in the world. There is nothing wrong with being a preacher, but I doubt that a preacher is going to have the same opportunities as the chemist working in a lab or the stockbroker on Wall Street. Christians need to not shy away from challenging careers just because the are dominated by non-christians. We need to be flocking to those jobs and sharing our love and our message as we work alongside people. If you know me at all you know that I would be quite the hypocrite to say that full time ministry is wrong. I think it's very much needed and exactly what some people need to be doing and it's something I myself have considered (and still consider.) But to disregard the possiblities and opprotunities for outreach in a "secular career," is in itself almost criminal.

Some one once told me, "Figure out what you love and find a way to get paid for it." Instead of that how about this, "Figure out what you love and find a way to serve God with it." Don't deny your gifts and talents to be something you weren't meant to be. And don't let people make you feel bad because you'd rather not move to Africa and live in a mud hut. Some are called to mud huts and open sky and some are called to high rise apartments and crowded streets. Each is equally valid.

2007-01-25T11:16:00.000-06:00

Today in chapel we sang this song. I've heard it a few times, but it really caught my attention (which at 9am is saying quite a lot). I felt like it was speaking to me. I admit to being a bit skeptical of those who claim to be "hearing the voice of God", but I certainly believe that the Holy Spirit does work in and around us. On a few rare occasions I've been totally convinced that I was moved by the Holy Spirit, but most of the time that isn't the case. Today wasn't a break down crying, utterly overwhelemed by the spirit moving moment. It was more of a gentle breeze. Simple words I so needed to hear whispered. The words seemed to be directed right at me. I'm not usually the type to post song lyrics and such (because no one ever really reads them), but I just felt like posting them. For my own benefit if nothing else.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This conerstone, this solid ground.
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

The next adventure

2007-01-22T16:53:00.000-06:00

There are a few favorite questions that people like to ask me, one is "So what are you doing after you graduate?". This is quickly followed by, "So do you have a boyfriend?" The third most popular question seems to be, "So where are you going on your next adventure?"
I'm a little worried if people think that all I'm doing is adventuring, but no matter how I look at it much of what I've done has a been an adventure (I sound so old and snooty there :( )
I tend to put off answers, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to answer some of these questions.
The answer to the first one is, "I don't know." To the second one, "NO!"
And to the third one, "Haiti." Yes, you heard right I am going to Haiti. It's only for a week at Spring Break, but I'm very excited. I'm joining a Christian film crew to make health education and evangelism films in French Creole. My main role on the team is the stage manager/ production assistant, although I will be helping some with coaching the actors and staging. I'm also writing one of the scripts. We leave in a little over 6 weeks so we're heading into crunch time with preparation for the trip. It's a little scary, but I think it's going to be a really amazing experience.
So there you go. That's what's kind of next on the agenda. Please keep me and the missions team and the efforts in Haiti in your prayers.

Oddly inspired.

2007-01-17T16:05:00.000-06:00

I've been on hiatus for a while...well the blog has been at least. But under orders to "be inspired" I figured I should write something. It's hard to force inspiration. Sometimes I'm just moved to write, often it is a result of a classroom discussion or current event. Sometimes I'm just too busy. Or sometimes my own thoughts are too incoherent to actually put into a public forum. But I love to write. I've been writing all sorts of non-academic pieces since I was in middle school. I started writing a novel in the 8th grade. I've currently got two half finished novels sitting around waiting to be finished and dozens more outlines. One day I think I probably will finish them, but not right now. It's that inspiration thing again. I have to be inspired to write. There have been times where things just clicked and I wrote entire chapters at break neck speed because the words were coming so fast. Then there are times where I can barely put together a coherent sentence. I suppose it's what you would call writer's block. Writer's block isn't very fun, especially if you are passionate about writing. It can be incredibly frustrating to not be able to get the words to paper. Sometimes you might even have the idea, you just can't find the write words. I feel if you can't write something well then you should just slow down. Good work rarely comes out of forced imaginatioin and creativity. I think one of the greatest dangers for popular authors is the fact that they are popular. Their fans demand more and they are forced to produce work quickly, but often with a lower quality (and their name lets them get away with it.) Two recent examples of this would be Michael Crichton and J.K. Rowling. As much as I anticipate their work, I wish sometimes that they would ignore the public demands and spend more time with the pieces. I don't believe that a famous name should give you the right to produce bad work (alright so it wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't their best). I guess that says a lot about my own feelings towards school, art, and life. I hate doing poorly. When it comes to projects and papers I would almost prefer to not turn it in rather than turn in a poorly completed work. I think it is wrong to not do your best. Now doing something to the best of your ability and still failing is a different thing, but knowingly sacrificing quality for popularity is a bad thing. On a tangent, sacrficing quality for the message is also wrong. One example of this is Christian entertainment, particularly film and theatre. I think we've all seen our share of really really awful religious programming. Sure the message is great, but I'd usually prefer to eat fried grasshoppers than watch most of it. The Christian world has allowed themselves to believe that a good message is a license to produce mediocre work. Frankly, I'm disgusted by this failure to us our gifts and talents. How shameful it is to see the beliefs we hold so dear, portrayed so poorly. Christians complain that "secular media" is so immoral, yet they produce no valid alternatives. There have been a few exceptions, but the majority of the religious/ clean alternatives are...excuse my french...Crap! If I were God (which I most certainly and thankfully am not) I wouldn't want my name on some of that stuff. A nice message is no excuse to produce bad work. We need to be stepping into the ring with the big dogs and put good, valid, well produced, and clean art out there. >>> End Rant.
I've so horribly diverged from my original point (if I had one), but I suppose I found some inpiration today. Hope you find some too.

I'm going to make an attempt at linking to some really hilarious (possibly sacreligious) videos that a church produced a few years ago. I honestly laughed a lot. There's a lot of discuss to be had here, but I give this as an example of Christians making fun of other Christians poor attempt at art. http://youtube.com/watch?v=FuD-pt8babg

2007-01-02T20:30:00.000-06:00

Lack of inspiration....Be back later!

God's gift to me

2006-12-14T15:25:00.000-06:00

I'm about 5 months away from completing my degree in theatre. I've often been questioned about why I choose to study theatre. The simple answer is that I feel in love with it and the people who I worked with. I've always been of the dramatic (or overdramatic) sort and have been involved in various aspects of performing since I was pretty young. When I got into college I quite literally stumbled into a role in a show and one show led to another and by the middle of my sophemore year I decided that I would change my major. I started out as an education major and honestly I hated it. I loved the kids, but was sickened by the silliness of undergrad education classes. When I switched to theatre I didn't have a particularly compelling arguement for it other than it just felt right. If someone had told me in high school that I would end up a theatre major I would have laughed in their face. I admit I've looked back a few times on this road and thought to myself, "Oh, Crap...what did I do?" But when it comes right down to it I love it. I love what I am doing. I'm glad that I've done all of this. I've learned so so many things. I've learned practical things, like how to sew and the proper use of power tools. I've learned about problem solving, thinking on my feet, and working under pressure. I've learned about the process of theatre, the taking of words on a page and making them come alive. I've learned about follow through and the fact that no matter what the show really must go on. I've learned how to work with all kinds of people. I've learned how to be a leader and how to be a follower. But most of all I've learned about myself. I've learned that I can accomplish things I never expected to accomplish. I learned that I'm not as open as I should be. I learned that if I commit myself to something I can make it happen. I learned how sweet of a victory it is to do something people didn't think you could do. I learned that I'm not a half bad actress. I learned where my breaking points are and the places where I need to get better. I learned that I've still got a lot to learn and that's okay. I learned that art is also a gift from God and it's my duty to use this gift to glorify him. I may not be a docter or a teacher or a preacher, but I still have something to contribute to the kingdom no matter what other people say.

I said all of that to say that I'm not making anymore apologies. I'm tired of people looking down on my because I didn't choose to be something "practical." First of all how boring would it be if we all had the same talents? God is the one who gave me these talents and I love doing what I do. Who am I to not use the gifts that God gave me? Secondly, my status as a "starving artist" isn't really your concern. I trust in God to guide me and I'm not particularly worried about money. I may not ever be rich, but I don't need to be either. There are much more important things in this world than whether or not I get that house with the white picket fence.

This post brought to you by the ever cheerful Michelle "starving artist, should have grown up in the '60's" Staggs.

To sermon or not to sermon?

2006-12-11T15:49:00.000-06:00

Why do we have sermons in worship? I've always been confused by this. I've never understood how listening to a sermon was praising God. I know that at some point we need to learn new things or be retaught stuff, but why in worship? I almost always dread the sermon. It's not because the preacher is boring or doesn't have something to say. It's just that it breaks my focus. I want to be singing and praying and reflecting on God. I want to be praising him and expressing myself to him. The sermon always seems to be the most important part of the worship service, but I really don't think it is. If we're gonna call it worship then we need to be worshipping. I've gotten to visit various denominations and one thing I really like about the churches who have "high church" is the focus on Communion. Everything points to communion. Now there are other issues that arrive out of "high church," like the routine of it loosing meaning and such, but I like the focus and attention that is put on communion because that's really what it all comes down to right. If it weren't for the cross then we wouldn't be doing any of this. I also like the reverence of it. There are times to cry out to God, there are time to shout to him with joy, but then there are times when you just need to be in awe of his power. I don't think I'd want to attend a church like that all the time, but sometimes we seem to forget about the holiness of God.
Okay so back to this whole sermon thing. I don't think sermons are wrong. I mean it's pretty obvious that there was a lot of preaching going on in the Bible. But I wonder if the teaching should be a separate thing? Like what about Bible classes? I'd always been taught that Bible class was a totally separate thing from worship, but I don't really see that anymore. Okay so in Bible class you get to interact sometimes and usually in sermons you don't (although that isn't always the case now either), but other than that what is really the difference? Now no offense to those of you who are preachers it's nothing against you. There are a number of preachers that I enjoy listening to, but is the place for sermons in the worship service? Or at least should the sermon be the dominating portion of the service? I just think that we need to spend more time praising him and being in awe of him and a little less time trying to figure him out.

I'm fully aware that backlash on this one is sure to follow, but as long as you keep it clean I'll post what you have to say. I really like the idea of my blog being a place where ideas can be freely exchanged and expressed without fear of retribution.

A divided people

2006-12-09T22:37:00.000-06:00

I use this blog to rant way too much. I apologize, but it probably won't stop.Anyway one thing that highly upsets me is when people take scriptures out of context to prove a point. The other day in class a guest speaker used Acts 17:24-25 to support not using instruments or any other "mechanical" devices in church (i.e videos, power point). I read it and reread it and each time have come to the conclusion that this is very much out of context and has nothing to do with instrumental worship. Taking scripture out of context like that is wrong and potential dangerous to new Christians. And this man was a missionary.This incident made me think back on a conversation I had with one of my friends here a few days ago. We were talking about classes and I was encouraging him to take a missions class that I had really liked. His response honestly shook me. He said that he tries to avoid missions classes as much as he can because the more and more he's around the "missions people" the more he doesn't want to have anything to do with them. He was ashamed of the representation of Christ that he saw. The day before another friend told me that she doesn't like most of the missions people because they always seem to be in their own little world and don't care about what's going on right here. And I can't tell you the number of people who are sick of hearing about missions in Africa.Am I guilty of these things? I don't know. I hope not. I try not to be. I have a lot of friends in the "missions group" and I love them dearly. I've never quite clicked as well with them as I would have liked, but I think they are great people. I know they are trying to live for God. So what are we doing wrong? Something else I've been pondering is, Can you be too spiritual? I'd venture to say that I'm not spiritual enough. I often don't enjoy going to church and to be honest the idea of spending all night outside in the cold praying just makes me cringe. I may be a horrible person for that, but it is the truth. I think maybe that's the problem here. There is this great divide between the super spiritual and the not so spiritual. I don't see a lot of in between. The "super spiritual" seem so caught up in being spiritual that they forget to look around. I think sometimes that we become proud of the fact that we are "so spiritual." On the other hand the "not so spiritual" feel like they are second class citizens because they didn't major in Bible and they become disillusioned with those who are at times completly forsaking any kind of organized worship service because they don't want to be associated with people who they see as hypocrites.Neither attitude is right. We're all wrong. We're all screwed up. Going to Africa or teaching Sunday school or attending all night prayer vigils doesn't make you a better person. And attending art openings or performing in plays or being part of political rallies doesn't make you a better person either. We've all got our blind spots, our places where we need to work more on. I see just in my own little life this divide between people and i don't like it. We shouldn't be complaining about each other or look down on each others chosen professions or trying to one up each other. This isn't a competition to see who can dunk the most people. This is about saving lives and we should be using every means we have to do so. We are supposed to be working together to find ways for each of us to use our gifts for the glory of God. At a supposedly Christian school why are we so divided? We've done something very wrong here. I know it sounds so cheesy to ask "why can't we all just get along?" But honestly if we can't even be united in our efforts within the body of Christ how in the world can we expect others to want to join us.The specifics that I mentioned are obviously about here at HU, but I think it really applies everywhere in the "Christian Community." Instead of placing those who are paid to do "church work" up on a pedestal, let's look around and see and use the many many talents that are being ignored. There are artists, writers, musicians, actors, scientists, carpenters, mathematicians, filmmakers and dozens of others who are looking for a way to use their talents for God. We need to help them find it.

A few things to pass the time...

2006-11-28T23:52:00.000-06:00

I haven't been quite as good at this whole serious blogging things as I had hoped. I really wanted to keep up a place to express the more serious issues I had been pondering. I suppose I have gotten rather lazy as of late and just haven't taken the time to conherently present my thoughts in written form. I'm not really planning to do so tonight. Mostly I'm just procrastinating. But I have been pretty busy too. Last week was Thanksgiving and I headed up to St.Louis for the week. It was entertaining at times.

Here's a picture of my Uncle Charlie preparing to carve the turkey...

This is Nathan, Spoor, and I at the super awesome CITY Museum in St. Louis

And this is me, my daddy, Logan, my cousin Cassidy, and my uncle Bob at the Bonne Terre Mines. Part of the mines have flooded so we got to take a boat ride through part of the mine. It made me think of the scene from Phantom of the Opera.

And finally this is what we returned to find at HU...Apparently someone finally got sick of the freshmen doing a crap job of decorating and paid someone else to do it. So now the front lawn looks like a fairy forest... This picture doesn't really do it justice. It's actually really pretty.

On the lighter side

2006-11-07T23:09:00.000-06:00

In a post a few weeks ago I talked about the game of Assassins that I lost miserably at. Yesterday we began a new game with some new rules. One of these rules is that you can now "stab" people by taping them on the back or chest with a spoon. This new rule has served me well. This morning after chapel an attempt was made on my life. I was leaving the student center, carmel macciato in hand, engaged in conversation, when a guy I know walks quickly past, then suddenly drops all his books on the ground and pulls out this:

Well like I said I'm holding a steaming cup of coffee, in addition to this my gun (of the same make and model) is in my backpack. Because of the coffee I couldn't get into my bag, so all I have for protection is a spoon.

The assassin fires once and I duck out of the way. He fires again and misses. He fires a third time and it hits me in the head, which doesn't count b/c we aren't allowed to aim for the head. By this time I'm pretty annoyed. So I've got my spoon in one hand and my coffee in the other and I begin to chace him down the sidewalk. He's desperately trying to get off another shot, but is once again unsuccessful. I lunge forward and gently jab him with my spoon. Unfortunately he stumbles backwards and falls causing me to trip also. Coffee goes flying one way, spoon another, and I go down...hard. The assassin attempted to protest his elimination, but finally surrendered after an eyewitness confirmed that I had in fact killed him (and I think the fact that I was bleeding may have had an impact also). It was a rather exhilarating start to the day. The adrenaline definitly outweighed the embarassment of completely wiping out in front of hundreds of people. (I admit I did leave the scene of the spilled coffee rather quickly.)

It is now the end of day two. I am still alive. I have eliminated my first 2 targets and one would be assassin. Maybe I should send that resume into the CIA afterall.

I was gonna post some pictures of my "really cool injuries", but the thing wouldn't let me upload them so you'll have to take my word on the fact that they are pretty gross.

Anyway I hope everyone is having a marvelous day (or night as the case may be).

What is evil?....and other questions I've been pondering as of late.

2006-11-02T22:52:00.000-06:00

1. What is evil?
I have to be honest, it isn't really a question I have asked myself often. I can look at something and determine if it is evil, but the technical definition of evil kind of floats at the edges of my mind, a half formed answer that probably wouldn't hold up to closer inspection. I was reading this book the other day and this is how it defined evil:

"It seems to me that evil is a kind of ultimate greed, a greed so all-encompassing that it can't ever see anthing lovely, rare, or precious without wanting to possess it. A greed so total that if it can't possess these things, it will destroy them rather than chance that someone else might have them. A greed so intense that even having these things never causes it to lesson one iota- the lovely, the rare and the precious never affect it except to make it want them.... Evil can't create, it can only copy, mar, and destroy, because it is so taken up with itself. So good would also be a kind of selflessness. " - Arrow's Fall (Mercedes Lackey)

I'm sure that this isn't the perfect definition, but it makes a lot of sense to me. Satan is hungry for power and is willing to do anything to have that power. Christ on the otherhand did the most completely selfless thing possible and gave his life for us.

2. Does doing nothing make you guilty? or Does a refusal to save a life make you a murderer?
I suppose I present a biased opinion just from the phrasing of the question, but it is truly something that I have been asking myself. There has been and will probably continue to be a great debate over stem cell research and to me this is one of several ethical questions that has been raised. If this technology has the ability to save lives do we become guilty by refusing to use it? Now I don't totally understand all this stem cell stuff, but it seems to me that we are being asked to choose between a current life and potential life. So the question becomes is it murder if we use it or if we don't?

More questions to be looked at in future posts (if I get around to it):
3. Does God want us to be rich?
4. Should Christians be involved in politics?
5. Christianity and warfare?

Dreams and Ramblings

2006-10-23T15:04:00.000-05:00

How does one find a compromise between the things we love to do and the things we should do? I once read this quote that said, "The Place God calls you is the place where the world's deep hunger and our deep desire meet." I love the quote and I think and hope that it is true. But how do you figure that out? I constantly struggle between what I want to do and what I think I should do. Now don't get all concerned and start planning an intervention or anything, that's not the kind of desire I'm talking about. In May, as I have made very obvious from this entire blog, I graduate and in a sense the world is open to me. I could pretty much do whatever I want. If I could do anything without worrying about money I would head straight to Europe and backpack for 6 months, maybe come home and work for a while and then head back out again to backpack somewhere else (South East Asia probably). It would be a completely selfish trip. I have no desire for anyone else to join me and while at times it would be lonely and challenging I truly believe that I would absolutely love it. I admit that I seriously considered coming home and working for a while, saving money and then just going, but I can't get past the selfishness of it. Other than myself who would benefit from that endeavor? It's things like this that have made my decision so hard. For every opportunity that arises I find myself questioning my own motives. Do I really want to go do these things because I am called to them, or because I like the experience? Am I helping others or are others helping me? I fear my own motivations. Then I look around and wonder if I myself am being so narrowminded that I can only see mission work in one way. I know in my head that it comes in many forms, here and abroad, but I struggle internally with this idea of having "a regular job." By staying in the States would I be failing to follow the great commision? I know everyone can't go to Africa and be a missionary, but is my desire to go really a calling from God or just my own inability to deal with reality? I know from experience that I do not want to do rural church planting or teach English using the Bible. My talents don't lie there, but how can I use my talents and do the things I enjoy and still serve God? As I've said I've been thinking about this a lot and here are a few radically different ideas that I think would be a great combination of what I love to do and what I think I should do. These are all ideas that have been in my head for while and it just clicked that any one of them might just work.
1. Starting a program that uses theatre and art as therapy for woman and children affected by war. I would start by getting my Masters in Anthropology and then a second Masters in Drama Therapy. I have a real interest in Rwanda and the DRC. Not sure what this would exactly look like, but I seem some really cool possiblities here.
2. Start a trade school for street kids that uses theatre as it's base. Many of the practical skills that can be learned through theatre are applicable to much of the developing world. They would be able to learn the skills of carpentry and sewing by making sets and costumes. In many of the bigger cities in Africa, like Nairobi, there is more interest in the arts so there would likely be a market for more theatrical options. In addition to trades students would get a solid general education and gain many business and organizational skills that can be learned through theatre, but apply to many careers. I came up with this idea as part of project for a class and it just stuck. After traveling to east Africa this summer I think that it could have potential in one of the bigger cities.
3. This last one is one of those ideas that I had years ago and it just hasn't gone away. Maybe the least relevent to my chosen fields of study, but all the same something I think I would love. I love coffee shops. I love art. I love good books. I love the culture and community that centers around the arts world. It's a place where I feel intrigued and challenged, yet comfortable at the same time. I've always thought it would be cool to open a coffee shop in the art district of a big city (Greenwich village, D.C., San Francisco). A place where new artists can display their work, book clubs can meet, people can discuss culture, politics, religion and anything else that comes to mind in a comfortable and safe place. I actually drew floor plans of what this place would look like once. I'd love to be a Christian in the arts community (which is a HUGE mission field) and become a staple of the neighborhood. Through my connection to the community and the relationships I would be able to reach out to people and share the gospel with them. A similar thing is being done in Amsterdam and seems to be doing really well.

So these are just a few dreams. I guess I'll probably have to pick one at some point. But for now I like to dream about them all. I've once again veered off course from my original intent for the post so I will conclude for the evening.

"Just remember that you were a dream of God."

ATTENTION ALL FEMINISTS!

2006-10-20T16:18:00.000-05:00

I used to consider myself to be a bit of a feminist. I would whine about trivial issues that seemed so important at the time. Feminists of the past really seemed to have something to whine about. I think I would have been right up there fighting for the right to vote and to work outside the home. But the feminists of today are a joke to me. They have criminalized family values (What a mother staying at home?) and stolen away the role of men in spiritual leadership (how dare you say I can’t preach on Sunday!). The things that many feminists are arguing for seem so trivial and selfish. To me the feminism of our culture is a waste.
But in much of the developing world Feminism takes on a different meaning. In Africa and I would assume in much of the developing world the role of women is so different. To me feminism is fighting for the woman who’s husband died and left her with 7 kids and she can’t find a job... because she’s a woman. It is helping the women who’s husband left her and is now taking away her children with no questions asked because it’s his right. It for the woman whose husband beats her and no one steps in to say its wrong because she is his property. It’s for the woman who is forced to cover every inch of her body and can’t go anywhere alone because the religion she was born to won’t allow it. It’s for the women who aren’t even allowed to drive because it is against the law. It’s for the girls trapped in prostitution because a man seduced them into it (I saw that this summer in Amsterdam)
Feminism is not about trivial things. It shouldn’t be about forcing someone to see things your way. Feminism is about having a choice. For many of the women in this world there isn’t a choice. Someone else controls their fate. The western feminists need to understand how good they have it. When the government takes away their right to work, drive a car, or have custody of their children, then they can start complaining. Until that happens they should either shut their mouths or do something to help the millions of women who aren’t as lucky as them.

So I guess I am still a feminist, just not in usual sense of the word.

Link to a really cool organization that is doing something to help women around the world!

http://womenforwomen.org

The Sins of the Father...Generation

2006-10-17T15:06:00.000-05:00

* WARNING: This post is probably less thought out and more reactionary than it ought to be.

This weekend I attended the World Mission Workshop at LCU. The main theme was “Crossing Over: Bridging All Barriers” and classes centered around reaching out to people of different faiths or backgrounds. But the secondary theme that seemed to be just below the surface of everything was the idea of “the 5th generation.” Essentially there seemed to be this underlying belief that we as the “5th generation” have the opportunity and responsibility to clean up the mess that the Christians of previous generations left.
Okay, Hold it! “The mess that previous generations left?” Is this how we should speak of our parents and grandparents. Certainly I agree that mistakes have been made, but honestly can we look at the people we have learned from and say, “Well, I guess I better go clean up the mess you made.” Not one single person, people group, culture, or generation has everything figured out. No one does everything right., if they did then this whole Grace thing and Christ thing wouldn’t be needed at all. The generations before us did what they thought was right and we are hopefully going to seek to do what is right also, but to look back on previous generations and discount their sincere efforts to share the gospel I believe is wrong.
I believe that things must change with each generation, but it is immature to throw out everything that those who are older did just because it is…well…because it is old. We need to look at everything and evaluate it for what it is rather than just reacting to its origin (wow, that sounds familiar). I personally know a number of missionaries who are of my parents and grand parents’ generation who have wholeheartedly served God and from whom I can and have learned a lot. It frightens me when people of my own generation refuse to learn from the wisdom of those before us. There needs to be a two-way conversation between generations. The greatest mistake may be in ignoring the potential wisdom that can be gained from other generations (older and younger).
I realize that the purpose of the original idea of “the 5th generation ” was probably to inspire all of us to get off our butts and do something, but building ourselves up by criticizing those before us helps nothing.

Well so much for that career...

2006-10-09T14:20:00.000-05:00

I have always thought it would be pretty much amazing to be an assasin, aside from the whole murder part. I always pictured myself dressed all in black and setting into motion all these elaborate plans to rid the world of villians. I think my family probably just watched too much James Bond when I was kid. Today I got a bit of chance to try my hand at the dark underworld of international espionage (ok so a slight exaggeration).
For those of you unfamilar with the non-fatal game of Assasins here is a quick run down. Each person is give the name of a person who is their target. It is then their job to "kill" that person before they are killed by someone else. When you are killed you then give your target to your killer and that becomes their new target. Any type of nerf weapon is acceptable. It's simple enough.

The game began early this morning with most of the participants nervously making their way to classes and chapel. I took a different path to and from class and went to chapel early so as not to be caught in the open. I was doing great. After chapel I made my way back to my dorm room, my suitemate staying close to act as a shield and to serve as extra surveilance. At one point we even had to run for it, but I managed to make it safely back to my dorm. Upon locking myself in my dorm room I took a quick after chapel nap and then set out early for class. Once again I made it to my class without seeing any potential assasins. It was nearly noon when it happened. I was exiting the Reynolds center via the side door on the Communications wing. I was deep in conversation with one of my classmates. I stepped through the doors and felt something hit me in the leg. I looked up to see a man in trench coat , the tip of his neon nerf gun barely visible. I had been shot.

I quickly realized that not only was I out of the game, but I had the distinct honor of being the first person out. I'm a bit disappointed at being killed so quickly. But I suppose I should be thankful that I can take international assasin off the list of potential careers.

God Revealed

2006-10-06T11:07:00.000-05:00

At my Wednesday night Bible study one of our goals is learning to see the wonder and glory of God in the world around us each day. People shared a variety of ways that God revealed himself to them. One mentioned how he really wanted to go to the World Missions Workshop, but was 30 dollars short of the cost of going. Then the bus ride suddenly became free and the price for the trip was cut by...you guessed it....30 dollars. Another mentioned a friend who has fallen away from the church, but had agreed to start studying again. And another mentioned something as simple as an encouraging e-mail. So often I get caught up in the craziness of life and forget to look around and see the many ways that God is revealing himself to me. Sometimes it's in the big things, but more often it's in the little things. Over the past few weeks God has worked in my life to help me find peace and realize that he has a plan for me. He handled money worries and showed me that I too will be able to find a job upon graduation. He knew I just needed a little something to help me along and he showed me just what I needed to see. I hope to continue to learn how to see him in both the big and small things.

So here's my question for you.
How has God revealed himself to you this week?

To Yoga or not to Yoga?

2006-10-04T21:24:00.000-05:00

Does the origin of something ultimately determine whether it is good or bad? Specifically can a practice or activity become good even if it came out of a negative or conflicting worldview? Yesterday a debate arose out of a professor’s comment that yoga is bad and that he disapproved of the fact that the church he is an elder at holds yoga classes. The reason for this belief being that yoga originated from Eastern religion and is so deeply tied to it that one cannot separate the two.
Now I have to say that I could care less about yoga. The point of this post is not to discuss the merits of yoga. I do wish to discuss this idea of origin. Is it wrong to practice something that has a negative origin? Knee jerk reaction would be “Yes, it is wrong,” but then you take a closer look at other commonly accepted practices and I think a lot of people might change that view. The first thing that automatically came to mind is holidays. If you look at the origins of Christmas trees and Easter eggs you’ll find that they both have their roots in pagan rituals. When a student brought this up the teachers response was, “Well, those have been so secularized that they are no longer linked to those traditions. ” (He also mentioned how he really liked Christmas trees and didn’t want to give those up….but that’s a whole different subject) Okay, fine…but what’s to say that Yoga and other similar activities aren’t becoming the same way. And second of all, isn’t placing a secular tradition onto a Christian holiday just as bad. In a way I’d say it’s worse, Christmas and Easter are times when we are supposed to be celebrating Christ and anything that takes the focus away from him would be wrong. Third, it seems wrong to pick and choose which things to reject and which to accept if the basis of your objection is their origin. If you reject one you need to reject them all and if you accept one you need to accept them all.
I’m not trying to ban Christmas trees or yoga. Honestly, I think my professor was being an alarmist and the attitude itself is a bit dangerous, I don’t think these things are wrong because I believe they can be taken and changed to fit a different worldview. Just as you shouldn’t judge a child by their parents, you shouldn’t judge a practice or idea by what it once was but rather by what it has become. I believe that God can work through a variety of things and if Yoga ministry or sports bar ministry serves as a way to reach out to non-Christians then that’s great. It all comes down to the context of the practice. If you are practicing something for a negative reason then obviously it is wrong, but if say you were to use yoga meditation techniques to focus on God then would it be wrong? We certainly need to be aware of origins and careful that these practices do not revert back to those origins, but we also need to look at the context in which something is being practiced in the here and now before we reject it. The reality is that Christianity has changed. It is impossible for us to look the same as the church of the New Testament or the church of 20 years ago. I certainly do not believe that anything goes and that we should dismiss the Bible out of hand, but much of the Bible was written to specific people at specific times. We need to look not only at the context of the Bible in its historical/cultural context, but also in the context of today’s culture.
As ambassadors of Christ we have 3 options:
1. Reject all other worldviews and invite others into ours.
2. Give up our own worldview and take up a different one.
3. Meet half way and take the good from each and work from there.
I believe that Christ did number 3. Jesus met people where they were. He stepped into their worldview and transformed them from the inside out. I believe that by totally dismissing certain practices and trying to force people into our own worldview, we may in fact be turning people away from the very thing to which we are trying to bring them. We need to look closely at practices of the world and rather than rejecting them see how they can be adapted and transformed to further the kingdom of God.

People paid money to see me on stage....but did they get their money's worth?

2006-10-02T23:02:00.000-05:00

I've been very lazy in posting this past week. I promised myself I'd keep up with this blog, but last week my brain was fried due to the fact that it was in fact a show week. In case you didn't know, I am a theatre major and a good portion of my "free time" is spent in various aspects of theatre be it acting, directing, or tech work. This time I had the pleasure of getting to be on stage again. I'm still trying to catch up on all the homework I put off because of the show so I haven't thought of anything exciting to write about. The Show was called "Torchbearers" and it was pretty much my life last week. So I thought I'd post some pictures of the fun.

This is the cast of "Torchbearers" behaving... Don't we look nice?

Here we are not behaving so well. What you can't see is the director yelling at us to stop goofing off. I look completely stupid in this picture, but you try doing a Chorus line kick in that dress.

And here are pictures of 2 completely different scenes in which I am reacting in exactly the same way.... And people wonder why my acting roles are so few and far between.

And finally here I am pretending to participate in the "conversation" while in reality I'm just trying not to pass out due to lack of oxygen as result of the ridiculously too small sash on my dress. I can now sympathize with Scarlett O'Hara.

Hope you had a wonderful week. I hope to have something thoughtful to say soon.

Incoherent ramblings on fear

2006-09-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

I have always struggled with fear. I think we all do. It can paralyze us and prevent us from doing the things we want or need to be doing. There are so many kinds of fear. There are fears that seem simple and straightforward, maybe not rational, but understandable. Things like a fear of heights or of going to the dentist. This summer I struggled greatly with the fear of “the great outdoors.” I love nature. I love being outside and enjoying God’s creations, but for some reason this summer I was scared of silly little things that had never even bothered me before. Most of these were related to African wildlife, particularly snakes. The fear of snakes at times paralyzed me. I would hardly walk outside after dark without a flashlight in hand, rapidly scanning the ground before me for spitting cobras. And after we found a green mamba snake I would not climb trees either. It was silly honestly, there are always dangers in pretty much everything we do, but not doing something because of the tiny chance that something bad might happen is….well it is just silly. One shouldn’t live their life like that.
Then there are the hidden fears. The fear of failing to do something that ultimately leads to a terrible conclusion. There is the fear of remaining silent; of not stepping up and speaking out when the opportunity arises. It is a fear of missed opportunities. The fear that a life depends on whether or not you say the right words. It is a fear of not hearing the call or hearing it and ignoring it. This is my worst fear. What if I mess it all up for some else? What if my fear of speaking up prevents someone from knowing Christ?
There are moments in my life that I have known were “God Moments.” Moments where God was presenting me with a choice and the choice that I made would have a far-reaching impact. As an RA and a camp counselor I believe that God has led me in what to say and how to handle situations. In a few instances I think I was able to glorify God by my choices (and his wisdom). But looking back I’ve had too many opportunities that I failed to recognize at the time or in at least one case selfishly ignored. Those are some of my biggest regrets. I used to say that I have no regrets because everything that happens in my life helps to make me who I am, and I suppose that is still true to an extent. The screw- ups have changed me and I think that I have learned from them or at least realize my mistake, but I can’t help regretting that they happened. I wish that I had been wiser and stronger in those instances so that I didn’t have to learn from my mistakes.
Maybe the problem isn’t really fear. Maybe instead of concentrating on the fear and the mistakes and the things I did wrong, I should focus on what I can do in the future. Obviously God knew/knows that I have/will screw things up, but in the end who am I to think that anything I could do could be so great to screw up God’s plan. God is so much greater than myself. He doesn’t even need me, but he chose to us me anyway. So what is the opposite of fear? It is love as far as I can tell. So instead of focusing on the fear, I need t0 focus on love, my love for God and my love for other people.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”-I John 4:18

Angelic Special Ops

2006-09-23T00:57:00.000-05:00

My family, particularly me and my siblings, seem to be a "bit" accident prone. Most people don't realize just how many close calls we've had. Over the years we've had power tool accidents, rock climbing accidents, cliff diving accidents, track injuries. We've been hit by trucks while walking, hit in face with softballs, fallen off bikes, been electrocuted, hit other cars with our own cars, and done numerous other stupid things that have resulted in ER visits (or should have resulted in ER visits if we hadn't been so embarrassed about what we'd done). I fully expect one or more of us to earn a Darwin Award. Someone's last words are sure to be, "Hey y'all, watch this!" Today we added yet another item to our list. My "little brother" had a blow out, hit a tree, and totaled his car this afternoon. Don't worry he is fine. Amazingly he walked away and with only very minor injuries. We've come away from every one of these accidents without permeanent injury and no one else has ever been hurt in them either. After many of these incidents people will say things like, "Oh you must have had an angel looking out for you." Usually those things aren't said as if they are believed, but more used as a nice phrase when people don't know what else to say. But I don't think we should discredit the possible truth of the statement. My family has had far too many close calls to attribute our survival to chance or coincidence. In many of these cases we should never have walked away. With each of these events I become more and more convinced that there are angels protecting my family. As a matter of fact I wouldn't be shocked if God had commisioned a whole Angelic special Ops fleet to keep an eye on the Staggs kids. I'd say we're pretty much a full time job. Okay so I'm not so full of myself to think that my family should have our own fleet of angels, but I can't discount the fact that God has certainly had his hand over us.

It's pretty hard to deny the existence of God when your life and the lives of those you love would have been forfeit if it wasn't for his intervention.

Waiting for brick walls, slamming doors, and big flashing signs...

2006-09-20T22:52:00.000-05:00

Over the past few years I have eagerly anticipated the day I would walk across the Benson Stage and receive my college diploma (which they probably really mail or something, but anyway...). Like I said I have anticipated graduation for a long time. It's not graduation itself that I was excited about, but the exciting life that was sure to come after it. Going into college I think I expected God to lay a yellow brick road for me to follow to the rest of my life. I thought I would have clear signs that would tell me which way I was supposed to go. But no yellow brick road has materialized. Don't worry I am not doubting God, I'm just learning some things about him. I wish more than anything that he would slam the wrong doors shut and put up a big flashing neon sign pointing me in the direction he wants me to go. Sadly this hasn't happened yet.
The other day I was talking with Matt Miller, a missionary to Togo who is working here at Harding this year. He asked me about my future plans and I told him I had a few ideas, but was just waiting for God to show me where he wants me to be. Matt just smiled and said something like this, "You know that won't always happen. On a few occasions God may show you exactly where you are supposed to go, but most of the time he leaves that decision to you. Sometimes he just sits back and watches to see what you will choose. God, like a parent, loves it when you take the initiative to do the right thing. A parent is more proud of a child who cleans their room on their own than a child who only cleans it because they were told to. God likes for us to make the right decisions on our own. If you make the wrong choice, then he will let you know."
I had never thought of it that way. I would still like for God to give me specifics, but I won't waste away waiting for "the call." He can call me from anywhere. So I'm going to keep on praying and listening. But in the mean time I'm gonna keep on scratching out those plans on paper napkins and try to figure out what the best decision is whether I get a specific call of not.

God's Country?

2006-09-19T22:13:00.000-05:00

Here at good ole HU we have mandatory morning chapel 5 days a week. Now there are a lot of people that hate this. They don't like being forced to worship, they'd rather be sleeping, they feel they get enough "spiritual stuff" already, or they simply just don't want to be there. I understand that position and I admit that sometimes I don't want to go either, but most of the time I like chapel. I love getting to start my day praising God with other believers. It's really an amazing opportunity to have the chance to worship with so many other Christians. For many people they will never even meet that many Christians in their entire life, let alone get to worship with all at once. So for the most part chapel is a great thing. But the benefits of chapel is not my point tonight.
Today was "Constitution Day." The thing that really bothered me was this attitude of entitlement that permeated the service. We began with our usual 3 songs all of which were songs that made me think of a Santa Clause God who is here to grant our wishes ("Mansion, Robe, and Crown.") Then they talked about the history of the Constitution and the conclusion I drew from the whole thing was more or less, "America is great, our Constitution is great, and we are so lucky to be Americans with all these freedoms." I already have issues with the National arrogance that is so frequently displayed these days. Today it felt like there was this underlying attitude of we are so great and because of this we deserve all these great blessings. Yes, we have certainly been blessed. But I do not believe it is because the USA is the land of God's new chosen people. He loves us all equally whether we are from Texas or Timbuktu. To take a time, like chapel, which is supposed to be devoted to worshiping God, and turning it into a focus on Patriotism is wrong. Anything that takes the glory away from God is wrong. And anyone who claims to be entitled to the gifts of God is wrong. No one has earned the blessings we have received. I may have been born an American, but when I chose to follow Christ I gave up that citizenship to become a Citizen of God's kingdom.

"You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise." - Galatians 3:26-29 (NIV)

Afterthoughts

2006-09-18T23:15:00.000-05:00

I was looking through some pictures of our survey trip to Amsterdam this summer and I came across these photos. These are just a few examples of this grafetti art, created by a presumably local artist, that could be found randomly around the city. I don't know much about the artist, but I found myself both intrgued and disturbed by his "art."
The artsy postmodernist in me wanted to agree and approve of many of the statements. I want to be tolerant and open minded. I like the idea of every belief being okay and acceptable. There is no fear of making the wrong choice, because there is no such thing as a wrong choice.
But then there is this other part that knows that that can't be. I wish it were all that easy, but it isn't. There are rights and wrongs. Yes, there are grey areas, but there are somethings that are black and white. There are absolutes. I could never claim that I have all the answers or presume to know exactly what God is, but I do know a few things.
1. There is one God. I suppose there may be confusion with the holy trinity, but ultimately God is one. And there are no other Gods.
2. God is the creator of this universe and he sent his only son to die on the cross for the remission of our sins.
3. Just because you disapprove or disagree with a behavior, belief, or worldview does not give you permission to disapprove of the person holding that behavior, belief, or worldview. God did not call us to condemn the world, our call was to share his love and the good news of his gift of mercy and grace. God is a God of love.
4. God does not expect us to have all the answers and no one does. If he did he probably would have made things a lot clearer.
5. God never said that this life would be easy. There will be trials and challenges, but a relationship that is tested and tried comes out stronger.
6. God is real. He is not an idea or a nice thought. He may not look like or be exactly like what we think or even want him to be. But he is real and he is active in our lives whether we choose to recognize his interventions or not.
I may have gotten a bit off topic, but I'm okay with that. The point is that everywhere I go it seems that people are telling me that what I believe is just my reality and it's just one "possibility" in an infinite list of possiblities. And some days it makes me question who I am and what I believe. But when it comes right down to it I always comes back to those 6 things I know. I will always question and I will never know everything I wish I knew, but at least I can know a few important things.

Why am I looking for somewhere?

2006-09-17T09:27:00.000-05:00

I've been on the whole blogging bandwagon for a couple of years. I've had a few different blogs and each has kind of had it's own personality. I suppose I should condense them all into one, but in a way each one marks a different point in my life (okay so there are only 3 and one I only posted on twice). I have always enjoyed writing and have often said that I'm a much better person on paper. I use the written word to express myself more often and hopefully more eloquently than I do the spoken word. For those of you that know me well I do not mean that I do not express myself verbally, but that I am more likly to actually SAY SOMETHING on paper.

So why a new blog? As I said before I feel like my blogs have each had their own personality and purpose. I am currently walking a road between two parts of my life. The end of college is rapidly approaching and the beginning of something new is on the horizon. I don't know what that something new is although I very much wish I did. This is a new chapter and I needed a new place to be heard. So here I am at the beginning of my senior year. I've got a map in my hand and I'm looking for somewhere.